You heard me. I’m talking every play on words. Every turn of phrase. EVERY SINGLE PUN EMINEM HAS EVER MADE. Or at least, every one that I can find. I’m sure I didn’t catch them all, and I’m sure some of these aren’t puns, but I tried my best. Keep in mind, these are puns made by Eminem, not by other artists on Eminem songs. Let’s start with all of his solo albums and mixtapes:

“Fuck around and catch all the venereal diseases” -“Infinite,” Infinite

“Kyu (cue)” -“It’s OK,” Infinite

“I quit smoking cess to open my chest, life is stressful inside this cesspool” -“It’s OK,” Infinite

“You can be Run-D, you’ll never be the MC” -“313,” Infinite

“I’ll stop the alphabet at S and got it down to a T” -“313,” Infinite

“I’ll run your brain around the block to jog your fucking memory” -“313,” Infinite

“He better come cleaner than Jeru jacking off when he showers” -“313,” Infinite

“You could date a stick of dynamite and wouldn’t go out with a bang” -“313,” Infinite

“Simple as ABC’s, skip over the D’s, and rock the microphone with ease” -“313,” Infinite

“I rock a beat harder than you could beat it with rocks” -“313,” Infinite

“You couldn’t make the fans throw up their hands if they swallowed their fingers” -“313,” Infinite

“You can be quick, jump the candlestick, burn your back, and fuck Jill on a hill, but you still ain’t Jack” -“313,” Infinite

“I grapple an axe for them baffling acts… then I bury the hatchet” -“Tonite,” Infinite

“I’m armed like an octopus” -“Tonite,” Infinite

“Come up with funk: I’ll never be scented” -“Tonite,” Infinite

“I would make you bored and treat you like a piece of plywood” -“Tonite,” Infinite

“In a slug fest, I get physical like physicians” -“Open Mic,” Infinite

“You couldn’t flip shit playing in toilets with a spatula” -“Open Mic,” Infinite

“If you ain’t ever stole a gate you can take offense” -“Open Mic,” Infinite

“Passed out like sampler snippets” -“Low Down, Dirty,” Slim Shady EP

“Smoked out like Eckrich” -“Low Down, Dirty,” Slim Shady EP

“You just lost your tip, there’s a pubic hair in my breakfast” -“Low Down, Dirty,” Slim Shady EP

“Got shit popping off like bottle cap tips, get your cap peeled like the dead skin of your mama’s chapped lips” -“Low Down, Dirty,” Slim Shady EP

“Tired of driving a BM, tired of not working at GM and wanting to be him, tired of not sleeping without Tylenol PM” -“If I Had,” Slim Shady EP

“I’m nicer than Pete but I’m on a Serch to crush a Miilkbone, I’m Everlasting, I melt Vanilla Ice like silicone” -“Just Don’t Give a Fuck,” Slim Shady EP

“I’m colder than snow season when it’s twenty below freezing” -“Just Don’t Give a Fuck,” Slim Shady EP

“Flavor with no seasoning” -“Just Don’t Give a Fuck,” Slim Shady EP

“Fuck dropping the jewel, I’m flipping the sacred treasure” -“Just Don’t Give a Fuck,” Slim Shady EP

“Down a fifth, crack open a six, I’m on my seventh 8-ball” -“No One’s Iller,” Slim Shady EP

“Flashed the bartender then stuck my dick in the tip cup” -“My Name Is,” Slim Shady LP

“Dr. Dre, don’t just stand there, operate!” -“My Name Is,” Slim Shady LP

“I hit the trees harder than Sonny Bono” -“Role Model,” Slim Shady LP

“Jumped in a Chickenhawk cartoon with a cape on” -“Role Model,” Slim Shady LP

“Chew up this mushroom, this’ll help you get in touch with your roots” -“My Fault,” Slim Shady LP

“You thought I was ill, now I’m even more so, shit, I got full-blown AIDS and a sore throat” -“Cum on Everybody,” Slim Shady LP

“I just remembered that I’m absent-minded, wait, I mean I’ve lost my mind, I can’t find it” -“Cum on Everybody,” Slim Shady LP

“Put my LP on your Christmas wish list. You wanna get high? Here, bitch, sniff this!” -“Cum on Everybody,” Slim Shady LP

“Come on everybody (get down tonight)” -“Cum on Everybody,” Slim Shady LP

“I feel like my head has been shredded like lettuce and cabbage” -“Cum on Everybody,” Slim Shady LP

‘Cause it’s cool to be the player but it sucks to be the fan” -“Rock Bottom,” Slim Shady LP

“I’m bad like Steven Seagal, above the law ’cause I don’t agree with the police either” -“Bad Meets Evil,” Slim Shady LP

“Cold enough to make the seasons change into freezing rain” -“Bad Meets Evil,” Slim Shady LP

“A box full of laxatives shitting on rappers” -“Still Don’t Give a Fuck,” Slim Shady LP

“I don’t rap to get the women, fuck bitches” -“Still Don’t Give a Fuck,” Slim Shady LP

“Toilet water splashes me right in the ass when I’m spitting because I’m always shitting when I’m rapping like Master P” -“Get You Mad,” Slim Shady LP

“Told Mya this shit was all about me-a” -“Get You Mad,” Slim Shady LP

“Went on stage and sprayed Cage with Agent Orange” -“Get You Mad,” Slim Shady LP

“Stiffer than Chris-stiff-er Reeve” -“Get You Mad,” Slim Shady LP

“I’m iller than taking a hammer and beating your knees and walking through South Central LA bleeding in jeans (Am I a blood or a crip?)” -“Get You Mad,” Slim Shady LP

“I been through hell, shut the hell up” -“Kill You,” Marshall Mathers LP

“I ain’t acid rap, but I rap on acid” -“Kill You,” Marshall Mathers LP

“I ain’t even drug you in the woods yet” -“Kill You,” Marshall Mathers LP

“Serial killer hiding murder material in a cereal box on top of your stereo” -“Kill You,” Marshall Mathers LP

“Well, gotta go, I’m almost at the bridge now” -“Stan,” Marshall Mathers LP

“Oh, you want me to watch my mouth? How? Take my fucking eyeballs out and turn them around?” -“Who Knew,” Marshall Mathers LP

“And since birth I’ve been cursed with this curse to just curse” -“The Way I Am,” Marshall Mathers LP

“Two kids, sixteen with M-16s and ten clips each and them shits reach through six kids each” -“Remember Me,” Marshall Mathers LP

“I’m waiting for hell, like hell, shit, I’m anxious as hell” -“I’m Back,” Marshall Mathers LP

“I used to give a fuck, now I could give a fuck less” -“I’m Back,” Marshall Mathers LP

“What do I think of suc-cess? It sucks” -“I’m Back,” Marshall Mathers LP

“You think of my name now whenever you say ‘hi'” -“I’m Back,” Marshall Mathers LP

“You hear this finger? Oh, it’s upside down, here, let me turn this motherfucker up right now” -“I’m Back,” Marshall Mathers LP

“‘Slim, for Pete’s sake, put down Christopher Reeve’s legs… It’s a touchy subject'” -“I’m Back,” Marshall Mathers LP

“You might see me walking a dead rottweiler dog… hollering at him ’cause the son of a bitch won’t quit barking” -“Marshall Mathers,” Marshall Mathers LP

“Double barrel 12-gauge bigger than Chris Wallace” -“Marshall Mathers,” Marshall Mathers LP

“Faggy 2 Dope and Silent Gay” -“Marshall Mathers,” Marshall Mathers LP

“The underground just spunned around and did a 360” -“Marshall Mathers,” Marshall Mathers LP

“And my pre-diction is you’re gon’ probably fall” -“Drug Ballad,” Marshall Mathers LP

“You have the right to remain violent” -“Drug Ballad,” Marshall Mathers LP

“Let me out of this place, I’m out of place” -“Drug Ballad,” Marshall Mathers LP

“…however I want. However, I do show some respect to few” -“Drug Ballad,” Marshall Mathers LP

“I get lifted and spin ’til I’m half-twisted” -“Amityville,” Marshall Mathers LP

“Want me to tone it down? (in a low tone) Suck my fucking dick, faggot, you happy now?” -“Bitch Please II,” Marshall Mathers LP

“Once you’re hung from the drapes, it’s curtains” -“Under the Influence,” Marshall Mathers LP

“And I was just checking the mail, get it? Checking the ‘male?'” -“Criminal,” Marshall Mathers LP

“Right, Ken? Give me an amen! (A-men!)” -“Criminal,” Marshall Mathers LP

“I shoveled shit all of my life, now I’m dumping it on White America” -“White America,” The Eminem Show

“White America, little Eric looks just like this” -“White America,” The Eminem Show

“The Divided States of Embarrassment” -“White America,” The Eminem Show

“How can one Chandra be so Levy?” -“Business,” The Eminem Show

“Same blonde hair, same rap channel” -“Business,” The Eminem Show

“Emotions run deep as oceans” -“Cleanin’ Out My Closet,” The Eminem Show

“Canibitch don’t want no beef with Slim?” -“Square Dance,” The Eminem Show

“Follow me as I put these crayons to chaos from seance to seance” -“Square Dance,” The Eminem Show

“Let your hair down to the track” -“Square Dance,” The Eminem Show

“Crazy insane or insane crazy” -“Square Dance,” The Eminem Show

“Canadabis don’t want no parts of me” -“Square Dance,” The Eminem Show

“It gets me off like my lawyers when the fucking judge lets me off” -“Soldier,” The Eminem Show

“And lord have mercy on any more of these rappers that verse me” -“Soldier,” The Eminem Show

“…By the doctor when I’m not cooperating, when I’m rocking the table while he’s operating” -“Without Me,” The Eminem Show (Consider this: “the doctor” could be Dr. Dre)

“Now the FCC won’t let me be or let me be me so let me see” -“Without Me,” The Eminem Show

“Come on and dip, bum on your lips, fuck that, cum on your lips, and some on your tits” -“Without Me,” The Eminem Show

“A visionary, vision is scary” -“Without Me,” The Eminem Show

“A rebel, so just let me revel and bask” -“Without Me,” The Eminem Show

“Here’s my ten cents, my two cents is free” -“Without Me,” The Eminem Show

“They call me Superman, leap tall hoes in a single bound” -“Superman,” The Eminem Show

“I’m a different man, kiss my ass. Kiss my lips? Bitch, why ask? Kiss my dick” -“Superman,” The Eminem Show

“And I’mma pour it on like syrup, bitch, thick and rich, sick and twisted, Mr. Butterworth” -“Say What You Say,” The Eminem Show

“Dre told me to milk this shit for what it’s worth ’til the cow just tilts and tips” -“Say What You Say,” The Eminem Show

“My loose leaf’s my launch pad” -“Say What You Say,” The Eminem Show

“Adrenaline shots, the penicillin could not get the illing to stop” -“‘Till I Collapse,” The Eminem Show

“I’m like a snail, I’ve got to formulate a plot” -“Lose Yourself,” Music from and Inspired by the Motion Picture 8 Mile

“I’mma get snuffed, ’cause I ain’t said enough to pipe down” -“Rap Game,” Music from and Inspired by the Motion Picture 8 Mile

“Switchblade, with a little switch to switch blades and switch from a six to a sixteen inch blade” -“Rap Game,” Music from and Inspired by the Motion Picture 8 Mile

“If I could just put it all into all I spit instead of always trying to swallow it” -“Rabbit Run,” Music from and Inspired by the Motion Picture 8 Mile

“I can feel it building up, blow this building up” -“Rabbit Run,” Music from and Inspired by the Motion Picture 8 Mile

“You need peace of mind? Here’s a piece of mine” -“Rabbit Run,” Music from and Inspired by the Motion Picture 8 Mile

“Why am I a slave to this trade?” -“Rabbit Run,” Music from and Inspired by the Motion Picture 8 Mile

“I don’t rap for dead presidents, I’d rather see the president dead” -“We as Americans,” Straight from the Lab

“Gets my dick harder than arithmetic” -“Canibitch,” Straight from the Lab

“Shady’s the label and aftermath is the stable that the horses come out of, of course we’re about to stir up” -“My 1st Single,” Encore (Yep, this is the first instance of wordplay on Encore. After only what, six songs?)

“Am I a jerk or just jerk chicken, or jerkin’ the chain? 22 jerks in a jerk circle, or is it a circle jerk?” -“My 1st Single,” Encore (Absolutely terrible)

“I won’t stand for this and Christopher Reeve won’t sit for this neither” -“Rain Man,” Encore

“Is it gay to play putt-putt golf with a friend and watch his butt-butt while he tees off?” -“Rain Man,” Encore (I felt terrible just writing that)

“A bunch of sweets or something, what? You munch a bunch of Crunch ‘N Munch?” -“Big Weenie,” Encore

Alright stop, pajama time” -“Just Lose It,” Encore

“Guess who’s back with a brand new rap and I don’t mean “rap” as in a new case of child molestation accusations” -“Just Lose It,” Encore

“I’ve done touched on everything but little boys” -“Just Lose It,” Encore

“That’s not a stab at Michael, that’s just a metaphor, I’m just psycho” -“Just Lose It,” Encore

“You’re crazy sexy cool, chillin'” -“Crazy in Love,” Encore

“50 Cent was like a fucking jackpot for me” -“Ricky Ticky Toc,” Encore

“If you think you’re the top and the king of the castle, you’re about to be thrown off the throne” -“We’re Back,” The Re-Up

“I don’t usually trip or dare get caught in that” -“We’re Back,” The Re-Up

“I’ll just keep fucking you like I fucked her” -“Jimmy Crack Corn,” The Re-Up

“Hard-headed and hot-headed, bull-headed and pig-headed” -“No Apologies,” The Re-Up

“I got jelly like Beyonce’s potbelly, this is destiny” -“No Apologies,” The Re-Up

“I’m really a sheep in wolf’s clothing” -“No Apologies,” The Re-Up

“Dismantling every candle on my fireplace mantel” -“3 a.m,” Relapse

“I remember the first time I dismembered a family member” -“3 a.m,” Relapse

“I want you to feel me like my stepfather felt me” -“Insane,” Relapse

“Half the time when I rhyme we’re blowing up like bagpipes from Baghdad” -“Bagpipes from Baghdad,” Relapse

“I’m beginning to sprout an alfalfa” -“We Made You,” Relapse

“Soon as the flow starts I compose art like the ghost of Mozart” -“Stay Wide Awake,” Relapse

“I’m the kind of guy that’s mild but I might flip out and get a little bit Wilder” -“Stay Wide Awake,” Relapse

“Smoke signal in the sky like Verizon Wireless” -“Old Time’s Sake,” Relapse

“Fuck the handle, I fly off the hinge” -“Old Time’s Sake,” Relapse

“I’ll have a steak and you’d think that with all I have at stake” -“Deja Vu,” Relapse

“Maybe if I just drink half I’ll be half-buzzed for half the time, who’s the mastermind behind that little line? With that kind of rationale, man, I got half a mind to have another glass of wine” -“Deja Vu,” Relapse

“Laugh at every single joke I crack and half of them ain’t even funny like ‘Ha!'” -“Beautiful,” Relapse

“I guess we would have to walk a mile in each other’s shoes at least. What size do you wear? I wear tens, let’s see if you can fit your feet” -“Beautiful,” Relapse

“Back with Andre, the giant, Mr. Elephant Tusk” -“Crack a Bottle,” Relapse

“Fisticuffs, the lady gives her eighty some paper cut” -“Crack a Bottle,” Relapse

“Shit gets worse than Worcestershire sauce” -“Crack a Bottle,” Relapse

“Every verse, every line, as simple as nursery rhymes, it’s elementary” -“Crack a Bottle,” Relapse

“Dixie cups, toxins, boxes of Oxy pads, enough Oxycontin to send a fucking ox to rehab” -“Underground,” Relapse

“They’ve been waiting patiently for Pinocchio to poke his nose back into the game” -“Forever,” Relapse: Refill

“Shady’s come to fill you up, are you a D or a C cup?” -“Hell Breaks Loose,” Relapse: Refill

“Fucking A, B” -“Elevator,” Relapse: Refill

“I blew the fuck up, a hamster in a microwave” -“Elevator,” Relapse: Refill

“I might get Sarah Palin by the hair and make her wear a bathing suit and take her parasailin'” -“Taking My Ball,” Relapse: Refill

“Get some R&R and marinate in some marinara” -“Drop the Bomb,” Relapse: Refill

“Don’t jinx yourself, boy, I’m Michael Spinks with the belt” -“Drop the Bomb,” Relapse: Refill

“The cheddar shredder, the greater” -“Drop the Bomb,” Relapse: Refill

“You can get the dick, just call me the ball sack, I’m nuts” -“Cold Wind Blows,” Recovery

“Michael Vick in this bitch, dog, fall back, you mutts” -“Cold Wind Blows,” Recovery

“You’ve never seen such a sick puppy, fuck it a sick duck, I want my duck sicked” -“Cold Wind Blows,” Recovery

“The shit is on ’cause you went and pissed me off” -“Cold Wind Blows,” Recovery

“Y’all are sitting ducks, I’m the only goose standing” -“Cold Wind Blows,” Recovery

“Stick my dick in a circle, but I’m not fucking around” -“Cold Wind Blows,” Recovery

“I’ll show you pussyfooting, I’ll kick a bitch in the cunt” -“Cold Wind Blows,” Recovery

“Call me a faggot ’cause I hate a pussy” -“Cold Wind Blows,” Recovery

“G’s up, all you gardeners freeze up, put your hoes down” -“Cold Wind Blows,” Recovery

“‘Til then I’ll drop the fucking bombs like I missed the pass when I went long” -“Cold Wind Blows,” Recovery

“It’s like apples to oranges, peaches to plums, yeah, I’m bananas, pussy, cut off the grapes and grow a pair” -“Cold Wind Blows,” Recovery

“I’m fired up, so fire up the lighter and the ‘dro” -“On Fire,” Recovery

“Hot headed as Ghost Rider” -“On Fire,” Recovery

“Cold hearted as Spider-Man throwing a spider in the snow” -“On Fire,” Recovery

“Man I’m so fucking sick I got ambulances pulling me over” -“On Fire,” Recovery

“I’m lightning in a skillet, you’re a fucking flash in a pan” -“On Fire,” Recovery

“You bitches scatter like hot grease splashing a fan” -“On Fire,” Recovery

“You want to get graphic? We can go the scenic route” -“On Fire,” Recovery

“Brain-dead rims, yeah, stupid wheels” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“On my death bed screaming ‘F that,’ yeah, super ill” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“I’ll cut my toes off and step on the receipt before I foot the bill” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“Listen, garden tool, don’t make me introduce you to my power tool, you know the fucking drill” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“How you douchebags feel knowing you’re disposable: Summer’s Eve” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“I gave Bruce Wayne a Valium and said, “Settle your fucking ass down,” I’m ready for combat, man! Get it, calm Batman?” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“Shake that ass like a donkey with Parkinson’s” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“Talented with the tongue, motherfucker, you ain’t got a lick in yours, hitting licks…” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“Hitting licks like I’m robbing liquor stores, making cash registers shit their drawers” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“Think you spit the rawest? I’m an uncooked slab of beef laying on your kitchen floor, in other words I’m off the meat rack” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“I don’t need the fucking swine flu to be a sick pig” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“You’re addicted, I’m dope, I’m the longest needle around here… I’m the big shot” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“I’m the big shot, get it, dick snots? You’re just small pokes, little pricks” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“Does a word search get circles wrapped around it like you do when I come through?” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“Trying to turn me down? Slut, I’m talking to you, turn me back up” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“Fork was in the road, took the psycho path” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“Poison Ivy wouldn’t have me thinking rash” -“Won’t Back Down,” Recovery

“Even my dentist hates it when I floss” -“W.T.P.,” Recovery

“I shoot the gift like I’m hollering “Die, Santa!” -“W.T.P.,” Recovery

“So quit trying to play the wall like you’re Paul” -“W.T.P.,” Recovery

“They call me the Stephon Marbury of rap, darling, ’cause as soon as they throw on some R. Kelly, I start balling” -“W.T.P.,” Recovery

“From the north, east, and west, but when it comes to them trailers in them south parks, muffle it, ’cause homie, this hood’s tighter than Kenny’s” -“W.T.P.,” Recovery

“If your belly button’s not an innie then I’m outie” -“W.T.P.,” Recovery

“I don’t need a tank top to be a wife beater” -“W.T.P.,” Recovery

“I’ll rip a tree out the ground and flip it upside down before I turn over a new leaf” -“W.T.P.,” Recovery

“You the baddest little chain with the blades I ever saw” -“W.T.P.,” Recovery

“You got more junk in your trunk than I do in my car” -“W.T.P.,” Recovery

“Lately I really feel like I’m rolling for delph like Philly” -“Going Through Changes,” Recovery

“So fuck the world, feed it beans, it’s gassed up if it thinks it’s stopping me” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“Like a ‘fuck you’ for Christmas, his gift is a curse” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“Forget the Earth, he’s got the urge to pull his dick from the dirt and fuck the whole universe” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“Quit playing with scissors and shit, and cut the crap” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“I shouldn’t have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it’s a rap” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“You said you was king, you lied through your teeth, for that, fuck your feelings (fillings), instead of getting crowned you’re getting capped” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“All I’m trying to say is get back, click-clack BLAO” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“‘Cause I ain’t playing around, there’s a game called circle and I don’t know how” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“I’m way too up to back down” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“It’s time to exorcise these demons, these motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“I have been through the wringer, but they can do little to the middle finger” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters and raise it” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“You couldn’t lift a single shingle on it (the aforementioned roof)” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“I’m strong enough to go to the club or the corner pub and lift the whole liquor counter up, ’cause I’m raising the bar” -“Not Afraid,” Recovery

“They call me Fire Marshall, I shut the shit down” -“Seduction,” Recovery

“They say the competition is thick but I get a hard dick from this shit, now stick it in” -“No Love,” Recovery

“They call me a freak ’cause I like to spit on these pussies before I eat them” -“No Love,” Recovery

“Set fire to the mic and ignite the crowd” -“No Love,” Recovery

“You can still get roasted ’cause Marsh is not mellow” -“No Love,” Recovery

“I’m standing on top of my Monopoly board, that means I’m on top of my game” -“No Love,” Recovery

“People just get sick ’cause you spit, these fools can’t drool or dribble a drop anymore” -“No Love,” Recovery

“Love is evil, spell it backwards, I’ll show you” -“Space Bound,” Recovery

“Flyer than swatters” -“Cinderella Man,” Recovery

“There’s a storm coming that the weatherman couldn’t predict” -“Cinderella Man,” Recovery

“I start the bug, prick, you better flee ’cause I get ticked” -“Cinderella Man,” Recovery

“You trick, it’s a trap” -“Cinderella Man,” Recovery

“You can die in the blink of an eye, so bat your eyelashes and keep winking and blowing kisses ’cause you’re flirting with death” -“Cinderella Man,” Recovery

“I shut your lane down, took your spot, parked in it, too” -“Cinderella Man,” Recovery

“Fuck catching lightning, he struck it” -“Cinderella Man,” Recovery

“My filet is smoking weed, yeah, faggot, the steaks are high” -“Cinderella Man,” Recovery

“Proof is here in spirit, I’m the spitting image” -“Cinderella Man,” Recovery

“Your pussy lyric: I can’t (cunt) hear it” -“Cinderella Man,” Recovery

“Who forms pyramids and raps circles around square lyricists?” -“Cinderella Man,” Recovery

“You keep treating me like a staircase, it’s time to fucking step” -“25 To Life,” Recovery

“Same shit, different toilet” -“So Bad,” Recovery

“Take another shot of Jager… oh, you’re the bomb” -“So Bad,” Recovery

“When I come back like nut on your spine” -“Almost Famous,” Recovery

“Now here I come, screaming ‘Attack!’ like I stepped on one” -“Almost Famous,” Recovery

“He’ll just take your punch lines and snort them” -“Almost Famous,” Recovery

“I’m at your throat like strep” -“Almost Famous,” Recovery

“Any who touch a mic prior’s not even Austin Powers, how the fuck are they Mike Meyers?” -“Almost Famous,” Recovery

“Dick’s too short a word for my dick, get off my antidisestablishmentarianism, you prick” -“Almost Famous,” Recovery

“Don’t call me the champ, call me the space shuttle destroyer, I just blew up the challenger” -“Almost Famous,” Recovery

“You’re the Eminem backwards, you’re Mini Me” -“Almost Famous,” Recovery

“Let me get it stoic and raise the bar higher than my opinion of these women has been lowered” -“Almost Famous,” Recovery

“Now you get to watch her leave out the window, guess that’s why they call it window pane” -“Love the Way You Lie,” Recovery

“They’ll never catch up to all this energy I’ve mustered” -“You’re Never Over,” Recovery

“Colt Seavers on a mule stunting on that ass” -“Untitled,” Recovery

“I don’t gas my Mercedes after midnight, I treat it like a Mogwai, ’cause it will turn into a Gremlin and run over kids” -“Untitled,” Recovery

“Eenie-meenie-miney-mo, catch and Eskimo by his toe while he’s trying to roll a snowball but don’t make him lose his cool” -“Untitled,” Recovery

“Get a move on like a U-Haul” -“Untitled,” Recovery

“You can rack your brain like pool balls” -“Untitled,” Recovery

“Get my dick, Google it ’til it pops up” -“Untitled,” Recovery

“Y’all just so motherfucking full of shit that you stopped up. Me, I’m always shitting diarrhea of the mouth ’til your speakers crap out” -“Untitled,” Recovery

“You got a hot butt like a lit cigarette” -“Untitled,” Recovery

“It’s time to put the ‘math’ back in ‘Mathers’ ’cause I’m a fucking problem” -“Untitled,” Recovery

“Every last word that you fucking fags heard comes straight from the fish’s ass, yeah, in other words I’m a bass-turd” -“Untitled,” Recovery

“I’m raw, you ain’t even medium rare” -“Untitled,” Recovery

“What’s occurring before, after, and during the show has now bearing on the bad news I’m bearing” -“Session One,” Recovery

“Suck my dick on the couch if you want to cushion the blow” -“Session One,” Recovery

“You should pull over like a sweatshirt with a hood” -“Session One,” Recovery

“I’m Kanye when he crashed, in other words, I got the hood on smash” -“Session One,” Recovery

“You better go get the sewing kit, bitch, finish this stitch so you can reap what you sew, knit wit” -“Bad Guy,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Like I reached my full potential, I peeked” -“Bad Guy,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Almost hacked up a lung like you picked an axe up and swung” -“Bad Guy,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“This is for him and Frank Ocean, oh, hope you can swim good” -“Bad Guy,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Toilet’s clogged, yeah, ’cause I’m talking a lot of shit but I’m backing it all up” -“Bad Guy,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m every guilt trip, the baggage you have, but as you gather up all your possessions… so before you rest your case, better make sure you’re packing a wallop” -“Bad Guy,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Crashed in the side of a locomotive of rap, I’m loco” -“Rhyme or Reason,” Marshall Mathers LP 2 (I don’t understand this one, but I’m sure it’s a pun)

“Puke Skywalker” -“Rhyme or Reason,” Marshall Mathers LP 2 (context-free since 1953)

“Full of such blind rage I need a seeing eye dog” -“Rhyme or Reason,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Can’t even find the page I was writing this rhyme on, oh, it’s on the ram-page” -“Rhyme or Reason,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“So as long as I’m on the clock punching this time card, hip-hop ain’t dying on my watch” -“Rhyme or Reason,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“‘Hip-hop is the devil’s music?’ Does that mean it belongs to me? Because I just happen to be a white honky devil with two horns that don’t honk, but every time I speak you hear a beep” -“Rhyme or Reason,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I bet we probably wouldn’t get one block without me knocking your block off” -“Rhyme or Reason,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Maybe that’s why I’m so bananas, I a-peeled to all those walks of life” -“Rhyme or Reason,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You critics come to pay me a visit? Misery loves company, please stay a minute” -“Rhyme or Reason,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Too busy getting stoned in your glass house to kick rocks” -“Rhyme or Reason,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Mr. Mathers as advertised on the flyers, so spread the word, ’cause I’m promoting my passion until I’m passed out” -“Rhyme or Reason,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“So bitch, shoot me a look, it better be a blank stare” -“Rhyme or Reason,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Screw you, and I’ll be the third person who screwed you today” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m hanging up this phone, boo, you make my fucking Bluetooth ache” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You’re feeling blue? Too late, go smurf yourself” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m only driving drunk ’cause that bitch drove me to drink” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Excuse the pun, but bitch is such a broad statement” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2 (this one’s unfinished, but it’s still technically a pun)

“I’m channeling my anger through every single station that’s on” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Fuck it, there’s other fish in the sea, and I’mma have a whale of a time being a single sailor for the night, bitch on a scale of 1-10, shit, I must be the holy grail of catches” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I got an Oscar attached to my fucking name (De La), I might hit the club, find a chick that’s tailor-made for me” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2 (This is actually three puns in one: the Oscar De La Hoya pun, the Oscar De La Renta pun, and the golfing pun)

“Get hammered and nail her” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“These bitches trying to get attached, but they’re failing to latch onto the tail of my bumper, they’re scratching at the back of my trailer like I’m itching to get hitched” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You still throw yourself at me, that’s what I call pitching a bitch, that’s why I’m swinging at these chicks on sight, long as I got a bat and two balls it’s foul, but my dick’s on strike” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Wasn’t for blow jobs, you’d be unemployed” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I got 99 problems and a bitch ain’t one, she’s all 99 of them, need a machine gun” -“So Much Better,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I was ill-prepared, I was prepared to be ill, though” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“From the beginning it wasn’t about the ends” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“It was about busting raps and standing for something: fucking acronym” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Came up rough, came to ruffle feathers, nah, egos (eagles), I ain’t deflate enough” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I can see the finish line with each line that I finish” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m so close to my goals, I can almost pole vault over the goal post” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“They said I was washed up and got a blood bath” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m not a rapper, I’m an adapter, I can adjust” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I light this bitch up like I’m driving a truck through the side of a pump” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Hop in and gun it like G-Unit without the hyphen, hypin’ ’em up” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Might’ve mistook me for bowing out, I ain’t taking a bow, I’m stabbing myself” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“If I don’t do this music shit, I’ll lose my shit, ain’t got shit to lose” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I know no other trade, so you’d better trade your fucking mics in for some toolboxes” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You’ll never take my pride from me, it’ll have to be pried from me” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I must be allergic to failure because every time I come close to it, I just sneeze, but I just go ‘A-choo!’ then a-chieve!” -“Survival,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I wouldn’t be able to work words like this and connect lines like crosswords” -“Legacy,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You dicks butt kiss” -“Legacy,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You’re going to die a ball licker, I’ve been diabolical” -“Legacy,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I ain’t halting ’til I die of exhaustion, inhale my exhaust fumes” -“Legacy,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“It’s like telling Gwen Stefani that she sold out, ’cause I was trying to leave no doubt” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“That compliment’s like backhanding a donkey: good way to get your ass socked in the mouth” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“It’s poetry in motion, like Freddie Roach when he’s quoting Shakespeare” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You think it’s a joke ’til you’re bullet-riddled” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Half of you don’t got the guts and intestinal blockage” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Get lost, Waldo” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m the biggest jerk on planet Earth, I smacked a girl off the mechanical bull at a tractor pull” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“ICP in this bitch, how do fucking magnets work? ‘Cause you’re attractive but we ain’t attractable” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“If you think you’re special, you’re retarded” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You’re a train wreck, I got a one-track mind” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You’ve been a gold digger since you was a minor” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Been trying to hunt me down like a dog but you can’t get a cent, ’cause all of my spare time is spent on my nose in this binder” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“To hell with your parents and motherfucking Father Time” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“A pessimist who transformed to an optimist in his prime” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“So even if I’m half dead, I’m half alive, poured my half empty glass in a cup, so now my cup runneth over” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m about to set it on you like a motherfucking coaster” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Can’t knock being rude off (Rudolph), so fear not my dear” -“Asshole,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Let’s take it back to straight hip hop and start it from scratch” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“That’s why my pen needs a pad, because my rhymes on the rag” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Just like I did with addiction, I’m ’bout to kick it” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Like a magician, critics I turn to crickets” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Got ’em still on the fence whether to pick it” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“So sick, I’m looking pale, oh, that’s my pigment” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Oh, that’s my pig-ment, ’bout to go ham” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“The art of MCing mixed with Da Vinci and MC Ren, and I don’t mean Stimpy’s friend, bitch” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Been Public Enemy since you thought PE was gym” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“So baby, make just like K-Fed and let yourself go” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Nike shoes crispy and fresh-laced” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Plus I showed up with a coat fresher than wet paint” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Yessirree Bob, I was thinking the same thing, so come get on this kid’s rock” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I done did enough codeine to knock Future into tomorrow” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“And girl, I ain’t got no money to borrow, but I am trying to find a way to get you alone (car note)” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Kangols and Carheartless cargos” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Don’t be absurd, ma’am, you birdbrained baby, I ain’t called anybody baby since Birdman, unless you’re a swallow” -“Berzerk,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“But for me to rap like a computer must be in my genes, I got a laptop in my back pocket” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“My pen’ll go off when I half-cock it” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Made a living and a killing off it” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Only realized it was ironic, I was signed to Aftermath after the fact” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“How could I not blow? All I do is drop F-bombs” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Rappers are having a rough time period, here’s a maxi pad” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“It’s actually Dizater-ously bad for the wack” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Hit the Earth like an asteroid, did nothing but shoot for the moon since” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“MCs get taken to school with this music ’cause I use it as a vehicle to bus the rhyme (bust a rhyme), now I lead a new school full of students” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Only hall of fame I’ll be inducted in is the alcohol of fame on the wall of shame” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You fags think it’s all a game ’til I walk a flock of flames…” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“So gay I can barely say it with a straight face” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You’re witnessing a massacre like you’re watching a church gathering take place” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“The way I’m racing around the track, call me NASCAR” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Let off then I’m reloading immediately with these bombs I’m toting” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I should not be woken, I’m the walking dead, but I’m just a talking head, a zombie floating” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m out my Ramen (rhyming) noodle” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“We have nothing in common, poodle, I’m a Doberman, pinch yourself in the arm and pay homage, pupil” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I know there was a time where once I was king of the underground, but I still rap like I’m on my Pharaohe Monch grind” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“And I just bought a new ray gun from the future just to come and shoot you like when Fabolous made Ray J mad” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Lyrics coming at you at supersonic speeds (JJ Fad)” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I make elevating music, you make elevator music” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Full of myself but still hungry” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Ill when I speak in tongues, but it’s still tongue-in-cheek” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m drunk so Satan, take the fucking wheel” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“If I can’t batter the women, how the fuck am I supposed to bake them a cake then?” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“It’s a fatal mistake to think that I need to be overseas and take a vacation to trip a broad” -“Rap God,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“But how do you get the shit beat out of you, beat down and be upbeat” -“Brainless,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“It’s like you grew up on jump street from Jump Street” -“Brainless,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Dome’s off the fucking chain like an independent store” -“Brainless,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m about to clean house, yo, I’m Lysol, now I’m just household” -“Brainless,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Out-sold the sell-outs” -“Brainless,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Hopefully you little homos get over your fears and phobias, it’s OK to be scared straight” -“Brainless,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’mma be late for the pity party, but you’re never gonna beat me to the fucking punch again” -“Stronger Than I Was,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Fame made me a balloon ’cause my ego inflated when I blew” -“The Monster,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m getting so huge I need a shrink” -“The Monster,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“In a public stall dropping a football, so every time someone walks in the John I get maddened” -“So Far…,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“We’d be the perfect match, ’cause you’re a vacuum, I’m a dirtbag” -“So Far…,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“This is the hand I was dealt as a creature of habit, feel like I’m trapped in an animal shelter with all these pet peeves” -“So Far…,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“What good is a fucking recovery if I fumble it? ‘Cause I’mma drop the ball if I don’t get a grip” -“So Far…,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I think I might be about to busta, bust her” -“Love Game,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Hope it ain’t ‘Here we go, yo,’ ’cause my head immediately goes to worst case Scenario though in the first place, but you confirmed my Low End Theory, though” -“Love Game,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Should’ve known when I made it all the way to third base, and that was only the first date, could’ve made it to home plate, but you slid straight for the dome and dove face-first” -“Love Game,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Guess I’m getting my god-dang Jigga on, eh? ‘Cause your name, I’m beyond sayin’ (Beyonce-ing)” -“Love Game,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Here goes that broken record, cliche, it’s all my fault anyway, she’s turning the tables, I’m a beat-break, she treats my face like Serato, she cuts and scratches like a DJ” -“Love Game,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I body-slam her on the cement until the concrete gave and created a sinkhole, buried the stink-ho in it” -“Love Game,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“In a cold sweat like I got hit with a freeze ray during a heat wave” -“Love Game,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I confess, I’m a static addict, I guess that’s why I’m so clingy” -“Love Game,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I said, ‘hit the road’… she glanced to look at it and wrecked” -“Love Game,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Her voice was more hoarser than Tori Spelling’s face” -“Love Game,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You wanted an intimate date, I want to intimidate” -“Love Game,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I done quit chickenheads cold turkey and started slowly roasting them, ’cause that’s where most of my anger is based (baste)” -“Evil Twin,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You done called every woman a slut, but you’re forgetting Sarah, Marshall” -“Evil Twin,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Next time I show to in court I’ll be naked and just wear a lawsuit” -“Evil Twin,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You’re so fucking gravy, Marshall, I should start calling you ‘au jus'” -“Evil Twin,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I ain’t fucking with either Jessica neither, Simpson or Alba, my album’s just sicker (Jessica) than strep with a fever” -“Evil Twin,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Give up my dick for pussy? I’d be Jerry Mathers if I ever left it to beaver” -“Evil Twin,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Screaming, ‘Fuck the police,’ like cop porn” -“Evil Twin,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Flipped rap on its ear like I dropped corn” -“Evil Twin,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m nuts, then again, who wants a plain Eminem?” -“Evil Twin,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“No way, Jo…se Baez couldn’t beat this rap” -“Evil Twin,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You got the bottom end like an 808 and I ‘base’ whether we’re going to fuck off that” -“Evil Twin,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Don’t try to fix me, I’m broke, so I don’t work, so are you, but you’re broke because you don’t work” -“Evil Twin,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“If I get off to a rocky start, I’ll have a Rocky finish” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“No need for rose petals to be thrown at my feet, I’m a thorn in your side, get thrown into a throne” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You had a nice run, now take a hike” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I ever meet my match, I’mma strike that bitch” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Now I write the type of shit to make you wipe, but wear diapers ’cause you might leave a streak” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m on a streak windshield wipers couldn’t wipe” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“It’s hard to decipher what cypher I might jump into tonight” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You dimes won’t get a fucking nickel from me” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m having a stroke of genius, Elizabeth, I’m coming to you, honey” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Still make a whore moan like a thyroid gland” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I never needed a pat on the back to get at a boy band” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Convince me you’ve heard an MC since me who’s as good with the fucking mincing of words without mincing words” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Never been served if my memory serves” -“Don’t Front,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Only bull you should take is by the horns” -“Baby,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“What would you do if I told you your body was off the chain, and I told you I smile every single time I saw your face, I ain’t finished, bitch, I meant in half” -“Baby,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Sugar Ray Leonard wouldn’t sugar coat a fucking booger, though, just to wipe that bitch on a hooker’s coat” -“Baby,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Now I’m back with an appetite for destruction and a fucking recipe for disaster” -“Baby,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I multiply your undivided attention” -“Baby,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I hate the swings, but I love being an underdog, ’cause when I’m pushed, I end up swinging” -“Baby,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You drive me bonkers, I’m about to get my swerve on for sure” -“Desperation,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“That’s a negative, Alicia, I will never give the keys up” -“Desperation,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Used to be my Carrie Underwood, I was your lumberjack” -“Desperation,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Got pooped on by a group of stupid pigeons, then we flew the coop to Michigan” -“Groundhog Day,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Pretending to be a blind Superman, because I have no supervision” -“Groundhog Day,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

(Missouri/misery pun that is 2long2furious) -“Groundhog Day,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Looking like a dog that’s pissing, leg up on the competition” -“Groundhog Day,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m rushing (Russian) like a Ukrainian LaDainian Tomlinson” -“Groundhog Day,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You spit a rhyme, I spit in a rhyme’s face” -“Groundhog Day,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Don’t make me step on you and make you whine, grapes” -“Groundhog Day,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Let these words lift, ’cause all I got is bars for you dumbbells, since yours ain’t working out” -“Groundhog Day,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You ain’t got to wear no shoes and shirt in this bitch to get served” -“Groundhog Day,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Mow the fucking lawn, your asses are blades of grass, and I’m fucking up this whole landscape of rap” -“Groundhog Day,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“The GOAT just ate eight acres” -“Groundhog Day,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Thunderstorm has passed you, you weathered it and poked its eye out” -“Beautiful Pain,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“The thorn bush that used to smell the roses stopped to inhale” -“Beautiful Pain,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“And I’m pulling for you to push through this feeling” -“Beautiful Pain,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Guess I got a way with words, I could get away with murder” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“A word bully, I verbally abuse verbs” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You’re ass-backwards like motherfucking Bob and Silent Jay” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“And this ain’t got nothing to do with a scale or being gay, little faggot, but ‘bi’ the ‘weigh’…” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Every rhyme I say sons you like an ultraviolet ray” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“In the meantime, it’s always mean time” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I had a purpose and that purpose was to beat a beat purplish” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I done put my two dimes and a nickel in this shit, I’m coming to get that quarter back” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“She’s the oldest trick in the book” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“You ain’t fly, you’re an airhead” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Your baggage ain’t gonna fit in my storage overhead space” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Don’t try to put your heart in a headcase” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“I’m nothing but a hole inside your skull where your eye goes, ’cause I’mma sock it to you” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Get on your Harley Davidson menstrual cycle” -“Wicked Ways,” Marshall Mathers LP 2

“Keep plugging, it’s your only outlet” -“Guts Over Fear,” SHADYXV

“Learned how to harness it while the reins were off” -“Guts Over Fear,” SHADYXV

“Take it with a grain of salt and eat their fucking faces off” -“Guts Over Fear,” SHADYXV

“I disgust [discussed] you like dialogue” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“I was taught if your CD’s on fire, you had to put it out yourself like Highland Park” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“No fire department, so you might not hear sirens at all, but don’t be alarmed if I sound off” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“I’ll fuck around and snort a key and pick a fight with a locksmith, fan of the LOX” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“I’m trapped in a closet, panic attack ’cause I’m claustrophobic, no faggot, I mean I can’t maneuver from movement ’cause I have no room for improvement” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“Examine the content: bar exam” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“That gal has some knockers, I bet you they ring a bell” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“The cross stitching is a cross mixing” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“It’s like being overstaffed at a boxing gym with all these trainers, but I don’t have any boxers and I’m standing here naked” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“Still wasted like paper you write raps on” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“I’ll battle ’em all, I’ll battle a mall, I’ll stand there and yell that at a wall until the mannequin doll scatter and the inanimate objects that I’m battering all shatter and fall” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“But I sure as hell got it backwards, ’cause y’all could get jumped and I’d catch the battery charge” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“I got a hunch like your back when it’s arching” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“You’ll feel like MasterCard when I’m charging, so take a swipe at me” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“You faggots are all gonna do my bidding, don’t get dragged to the auction” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“No emotion hence I guess this sick prick dies hard” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“I got a magic johnson” -“Shady XV,”  SHADYXV

“Madonna with mud on her” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“Just so happens she’s fond of algae, ’cause now she faceplants on the concrete” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“Half you assholes ain’t strong enough to pick up a spirit” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“You fags couldn’t shoplift at a thrift shop, but I let the track lift them up” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“Kidnapping your mom ’cause I’m still in [stealin’] this bitch” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“Or the pointy nose that’s pointing at you, mama? Who knows at this point?” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“She loves the way I lie” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“Oh, why am I such an asshole that my disguise is pants, but they’re on fire” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“…Aerosmith, and I’m a spectacular archer” -“Shady XV,” SHADYXV

“Applying for the rim job, are you hiring?” -“Psychopath Killer,” SHADYXV

“I’m in the mood to be playing second fiddle, slob on this violin with no strings attached” -“Psychopath Killer,” SHADYXV

“It’s still like I’m caught up inside a whirlpool, not an appliance, but applying this science” -“Psychopath Killer,” SHADYXV

“The twine like a beanstalk and the vine” -“Psychopath Killer,” SHADYXV

“But I keep walking the line between the wrong and the right, but everything I write seems wrong” -“Psychopath Killer,” SHADYXV

“I’m ecstatic at all the static that I can still cause in the fabric of our modern society” -“Psychopath Killer,” SHADYXV

“In my dad’s drag dragging a faggot in a Glad bag” -“Psychopath Killer,” SHADYXV

“In a bar fight with the Dark Knight on a dark night” -“Psychopath Killer,” SHADYXV

“I get bold like bowling balls, grow balls” -“Die Alone,” SHADYXV

“I’m drawing blanks like I’m playing hangman” -“Die Alone,” SHADYXV

“It’s making me want to blow out my brains like birthday cake candles” -“Die Alone,” SHADYXV

“I’m picky like I missed a spot shaving” -“Vegas,” SHADYXV

“If she got rabies, I wouldn’t give the bitch a shot, I’d poke her in the rear” -“Vegas,” SHADYXV

“But I bet if I lick her [liquor], she’d try to chase me” -“Vegas,” SHADYXV

“You think you’re hot ’cause you’re in heat? Well, bitch, if you’re solar, then I’m your polar opposite” – “Vegas,” SHADYXV

“Wean her off it like she took my fucking penis, chopped it” – “Vegas,” SHADYXV

“I always end up giving these bitches a complex, and I don’t mean apartment” – “Vegas,” SHADYXV

“Bet you if you give this old dog these new tricks…” – “Vegas,” SHADYXV

“Took an unexpected twist like the neck of the freaking exorcist” – “Vegas,” SHADYXV

“You deaf, girl, I said you was foxy” – “Vegas,” SHADYXV

“I think with my dick, so come blow my mind” – “Vegas,” SHADYXV

“It tastes like humble pie, so swallow my pride” – “Vegas,” SHADYXV

“We’re getting off like this is our exit” – “Vegas,” SHADYXV

“Through my heroin ordeals I’m so vain” – “Fine Line,” SHADYXV

“This vanity surrounded by these lights is a nightmare (night mirror)” – “Fine Line,” SHADYXV

“And like a dice player, I got a nice paradise here” – “Fine Line,” SHADYXV

“If you got the soul of a soldier, or you sold your soul” – “Fine Line,” SHADYXV

“When I was just starting out without a dime and now I’m diamond” – “Fine Line,” SHADYXV

“Inside, I’ll always be an Outsida, my life’s been turned inside out” – “Fine Line,” SHADYXV

“I’m on lean like the Tower of Pisa” – “Right For Me,” SHADYXV

“Concentrated like orange juice, so I’m not as deluded” – “Right For Me,” SHADYXV

“I’m a misogynist too, but I’m not a masseuse, but my attitude is rubbing off on the youth” – “Right For Me,” SHADYXV

“I’m bringing the TEC out, I’m not coming to repair your fucking electronic computers” – “Right For Me,” SHADYXV

“I’m fucking stoned like Oliver, like I looked Medusa in the eyeball to seduce her” – “Right For Me,” SHADYXV

“Lost my patience, they all woke up from sedation, ain’t none of you Dr. Dre so then what is it got you thinking you could fuck with this operation?” – “Right For Me,” SHADYXV

“I shit you not, like I’m plugged up from constipation” – “Right For Me,” SHADYXV

“Before my life became a movie and they used to use my motherfucking trailer to tease me with” – “Detroit vs. Everybody,” SHADYXV

“I flipped that script like a refill of painkillers” – “Detroit vs. Everybody,” SHADYXV

“For the record, you don’t want this kind of static in your life, but I’m making you cling to it” – “Detroit vs. Everybody,” SHADYXV

Wow. That’s a lot of puns. And interestingly enough, he’s included a LOT more puns in his music since Recovery. More on that later. First, let’s look at his guest verses:

“I’ll shove a gun in your grill, greasy and heated, smothered in hot mustard” -“Trife Thieves,” Bizarre ft. Fuzz Scoota and Eminem, Attack of the Weirdos EP

“I’ll pile five dudes in a Pinto and pull up to the 7 Mile drive-thru at McDonalds’ and pile-drive you” -“Trife Thieves,” Bizarre ft. Fuzz Scoota and Eminem, Attack of the Weirdos EP

“Leave you with more shit missing than a Lil Kim radio edit” -“We Shine,” Da Ruckus ft. Eminem, Episode One EP

“You know what time it is, man, at the next stop, give me your Rolex watch” -“Green and Gold,” The Anonymous ft. Eminem, Green & Gold

“Sprayed Puffy with mace (Ma$e)” -“Any Man,” Eminem, Soundbombing II

“I’m hotter than my dick is when I piss and it burns” -“Any Man,” Eminem, Soundbombing II

“IV full of Thai weed, looking Chinese, with my knees stuck together like Siamese twins, joined at the groin like lesbians” -“Any Man,” Eminem, Soundbombing II

“Pins and needles, hypodermic needles and pins” -“Any Man,” Eminem, Soundbombing II

“Breaking so many freaking needles, I wonder if they inject” -“The Anthem,” Sway & King Tech ft. RZA, Tech N9ne, Eminem, Xzibit, Pharaohe Monch, Kool G Rap, Jayo Felony, Chino XL, and KRS-One, This or That

“You lay down on a stretcher, don’t get carried away now” -“The Last Hit,” The High & Mighty ft. Eminem, Home Field Advantage

“You’re spaced the fuck out like George Lucas,” “3 6 5,” Skam ft. Eminem

“You’re getting spun backwards like every word of obscene cursing” -“3 6 5,” Skam ft. Eminem

“With a hair up his ass like a rabbit crawled in his pants” -“Off the Wall,” Redman ft. Eminem, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps – Soundtrack

“I’m harder than me trying to park a Dodge when I’m drunk as fuck” -“Forgot About Dre,” Dr. Dre ft. Eminem, 2001

“Hopping out with two broken legs trying to walk it off” -“Forgot About Dre,” Dr. Dre ft. Eminem, 2001

“To shatter the picture in which of that as they paint me as” -“Renegade,” Jay-Z ft. Eminem, The Blueprint

“If I let some bitch in the Can like ‘Bis cop over me” -“My Name,” Xzibit ft. Eminem and Nate Dogg, Man vs Machine

“I square dance ’cause I’m sick of rapping circles around these clowns” -“My Name,” Xzibit ft. Eminem and Nate Dogg, Man vs Machine

“You’re not dealing with some fucking Marsh-mellow” -“Don’t Push Me,” 50 Cent ft. Eminem and Lloyd Banks, Get Rich or Die Tryin’

“What we do under the covers should stay between the covers and the two of us, and we ain’t gotta be news coverage on the front page cover of Us as new lovers” -“Lady,” Obie Trice ft. Eminem, Cheers

“My sermon is like an omen, I’m serving, I’m Erick Sermon, I saw the window was open and I jumped through it” -“Freestyle,” DJ Kay Slay ft. Eminem, The Streetsweeper Vol. 1

“I’m constantly copping over you, squatting, shit has gotten…” -“Freestyle,” DJ Kay Slay ft. Eminem, The Streetsweeper Vol. 1

“I murder this ink (Inc.) as soon as I touch the page” -“I’m Gone,” DJ Kay Slay ft. Eminem and Obie Trice, The Streetsweeper Vol. 2

“Throw up your paws, you pussies can’t even scratch me” -“I’m Gone,” DJ Kay Slay ft. Eminem and Obie Trice, The Streetsweeper Vol. 2

“No matter how many knives we put in each other’s backs, we’ll have each other’s backs” -“Love the Way You Lie Part II,” Rihanna ft. Eminem, Loud

“Stay grounded but I still reach for the sky” -“Topless,” Dr. Dre ft. Eminem and Nas

“Why do I hear the sounds of toilets flushing? Some shit is going down” -“Where I’m At,” Lloyd Banks ft. Eminem, The Hungry for More 2

“See why they call this bullshit a relationship, ships sink” -“Where I’m At,” Lloyd Banks ft. Eminem, The Hungry for More 2

“I overcame odds to get even” -“Where I’m At,” Lloyd Banks ft. Eminem, The Hungry for More 2

“‘Til the fire marshals come shut Fire Marshall down, I’m up, I suggest you better shut the fuck up and stop fucking around and duck” -“Celebrity (Remix),” Lloyd Banks ft. Eminem and Akon

“Is she up to screwing? Down to fuck?” -“Celebrity (Remix),” Lloyd Banks ft. Eminem and Akon

“I don’t subscribe to the News or the Free Press but, homie, I get the paper” -“Celebrity (Remix),” Lloyd Banks ft. Eminem and Akon

“Carmen Electra’s cuter, strap an extension cord to her arm and electrocute her” -“Things Get Worse,” B.o.B. ft. Eminem, E.P.I.C.

“I’m as cold as a motherfucking icicle on my nut, I ain’t nothin’ nice (nuttin’ ice)” -“Things Get Worse,” B.o.B. ft. Eminem, E.P.I.C.

“You got a nice pair, but you’re plumb stupid” -“Richard,” Obie Trice ft. Eminem, Bottoms Up

“So cold to dykes, the chance is snow in San Francisco” -“Richard,” Obie Trice ft. Eminem, Bottoms Up

“Boy, I’m from Detroit city, you live in animosity, that’s a fucked-up state to be in” -“Richard,” Obie Trice ft. Eminem, Bottoms Up

“I wouldn’t fucking take it back if I time traveled” -“Richard,” Obie Trice ft. Eminem, Bottoms Up

“They call me a wigger like Rene Zell-” -“Our House,” Slaughterhouse ft. Skylar Grey and Eminem, Welcome to Our House

“It’s like Clash of the Titans, I released the cracker” -“Our House,” Slaughterhouse ft. Skylar Grey and Eminem, Welcome to Our House

“I’m plastered: dry wall” -“Numb,” Rihanna ft. Eminem, Unapologetic

“I’m the butt police and I’m looking at your rear-rear-rear” -“Numb,” Rihanna ft. Eminem, Unapologetic

“My wheels spoke to her” -“C’mon Let Me Ride,” Skylar Grey ft. Eminem, Don’t Look Down

“I’m the cousin of Godzilla, ’cause I spit fire and my dick is draggin'” -“C’mon Let Me Ride,” Skylar Grey ft. Eminem, Don’t Look Down

“Don’t ask me what’s up with the hoes, I’m still working the kinks out” -“Symphony in H,” Tony Touch ft. Eminem, The Piece Maker 3

“Got an Oscar, but I’m still a grouch” -“Symphony in H,” Tony Touch ft. Eminem, The Piece Maker 3

“The SWAT team ’bout to break them flyswatters out” -“Symphony in H,” Tony Touch ft. Eminem, The Piece Maker 3

“Hockey, shit, thought I had the place flowing, I hate to put you on ice but you already had 3 periods in 60 minutes” -“Symphony in H,” Tony Touch ft. Eminem, The Piece Maker 3

“You remind me of cocaine, ho, you’re always in the mirror with your face, so I feel an urge to put you all in a line and chop you with a razor blade” -“Symphony in H,” Tony Touch ft. Eminem, The Piece Maker 3

“I’d nail J. Lo… to the railroad!” -“Symphony in H,” Tony Touch ft. Eminem, The Piece Maker 3

“Better hope you can stay afloat when I take the wind out your sailboat” -“Symphony in H,” Tony Touch ft. Eminem, The Piece Maker 3

“Don’t kid yourself, bitch, you ain’t even a baby goat” -“Symphony in H,” Tony Touch ft. Eminem, The Piece Maker 3

“My brain is just like a fucking fried egg, is my mind scrambled? ‘Cause I’m lit” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“So narrow-minded but go through such a wide range of this emotion that my rage has gotta squeeze through it sideways” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“Drive straight through the gay pride parade” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“Stuck out like a sore thumb, so I gave them the finger” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“Just in case you were thinking an inkling of replacing the kingpin of crazy, you’re wasting your ink then” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“You fake imitations are leaving a bad taste, fuck making a bad impression, that’s the worst impersonation I’ve ever seen” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“I was taking so much NoDoz and LSD, I almost fell asleep on the Wake-Up Show” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“Me and Bus put it down like a sick pet, you’re fucking with vets, dawg” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“I guess if I hopped out your freaking laptop, you idiot prick, with Biggie and kicked the living shit out of you, I’d be dead wrong” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“I’m the S.O.G. like a wet log” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“I’m so full of self-esteem that I sweat fog” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“Step off before you get stepped on” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“Once you enter in my house of pain, you’re in a world of hurt” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

“If you’re too fly for coach, better get them arms and freaking hands flailing and jump like Van Halen and pray for a damn tailwind” -“Calm Down,” Busta Rhymes ft. Eminem, E.L.E. 2

And now his groups: Soul Intent, D-12, and Bad Meets Evil…

“You couldn’t cut the mustard if I gave you a Ginsu” -“The Phattest Skinny Kid Alive,” Steppin’ Onto the Scene

“Dial M&M for murder if you want to undergo a hard day’s night” -“Unrealistically Graphic,” Still in the Bassmint

“Flat line like bar codes” -“Chance to Advance,” The Underground EP

“Dirty FATHER-fucking Harry” -“Shit Can Happen,” Devil’s Night

“Christina Gaguilera” -“Ain’t Nuttin’ But Music,” Devil’s Night

“I hit harder from the back than Everlast when he’s plugging Lethal in his fucking ass” -“Ain’t Nuttin’ But Music,” Devil’s Night

“Just give me one more chance, Britney, hit me one more time” -“Ain’t Nuttin’ But Music,” Devil’s Night

“Fuck lambs, I’m silencing them all” -“American Psycho,” Devil’s Night

“I take a couple uppers, I down a couple downers” -“Purple Pills,” Devil’s Night

“Roll up on you like Christopher Reeve” -“Purple Pills,” Devil’s Night

“I cripple any hypocritic critic” -“Fight Music,” Devil’s Night

“I never grew up, I was born grown and grew down” -“Shit on You,” Devil’s Night

“Overreaction is my only reaction, which only sets off a chain reaction” -“Shit on You,” Devil’s Night

“So ban us, ban us banana fanna fo fannas who come back all bananas, banana clips loaded” -“Git Up,” D12 World

“We come with toasters like we just opened savings and loans” -“40 Oz,” D12 World

“You think you’re the shit ’til we flush you” -“Fame,” Return of the Dozen Volume 2

“Slipping a Molotov in your cocktail” -“Nuttin’ to Do,” Nuttin’ to Do/Scary Movies

“Nurse, look at this straitjacket, it’s crooked” -“Nuttin’ to Do,” Nuttin’ to Do/Scary Movies

“Walk away with the whole floor so you have nothing to fall back on” -“Nuttin’ to Do,” Nuttin’ to Do/Scary Movies

“There’s a switch, I flip, emotions cut off” -“Welcome 2 Hell,” Hell: the Sequel

“So cold I done froze my butt off, and this ain’t even the tip of the iceberg yet” -“Welcome 2 Hell,” Hell: the Sequel

“I’ll be the bomb, you’re just a false alarm” -“Welcome 2 Hell,” Hell: the Sequel

“Get scant, little piss-ants, and see if I don’t come along and stomp your farm” -“Welcome 2 Hell,” Hell: the Sequel

“Thunder and lightning, rain, hail, sleet with a tornado’s the kind of brainstorm I get” -“Welcome 2 Hell,” Hell: the Sequel

“There’s too much at stake, and to find someone this raw on a beat is rare” -“Welcome 2 Hell,” Hell: the Sequel

“Push a bitch out the Aspen and tell her to get the fuck out of Dodge” -“Welcome 2 Hell,” Hell: the Sequel

“Me and Nickel fucking shit up on a dime” -“Welcome 2 Hell,” Hell: the Sequel

“Telling us to pipe down is like talking to a meth head” -“Welcome 2 Hell,” Hell: the Sequel

“Bruce Willis on his death bed, last breath with an infection, fighting it while he’s watching internet porn, about to meet his death with an erection, my God, what I mean is David Carradine jacking his penis in front of his tripod choking his own neck, what part you don’t get, I’m saying I die hard” -“Welcome 2 Hell,” Hell: the Sequel

“Catch me in my Mercedes bumping “Ice Ice Baby,” screaming Shady ’til I die like a half a pair of dice” -“Fast Lane,” Hell: the Sequel

“Wait don’t stop me now ‘fore I get on a roll (danish)” -“Fast Lane,” Hell: the Sequel

“After I spit the bullets, I’mma treat these shell casings like a soccer ball, I’mma kick the ballistics” -“Fast Lane,” Hell: the Sequel

“Was called Eminem, but he threw away the candy and ate the rapper” -“Fast Lane,” Hell: the Sequel

“You don’t fucking give me head, then I’mma have to take it” -“Fast Lane,” Hell: the Sequel

“She kept asking me to quit calling her cunt, I said I cun’t” -“The Reunion,” Hell: the Sequel

“We’ve been riding around in this hatchback until I’m fucking hunchback” -“The Reunion,” Hell: the Sequel

“Terrible, but not rippable” -“Above the Law,” Hell: the Sequel

“Going overboard like someone threw us off a boat” -“Above the Law,” Hell: the Sequel

“Cough from all the smoke, I’m trying to stay on fire, so you know if I hate water sprinklers, I don’t love the hoes/hose” -“Above the Law,” Hell: the Sequel

“In fact if I jump out a bush in a sneak attack’s the only way I’ll say I ambush” -“Above the Law,” Hell: the Sequel (This one is really complicated and I am in no mood to explain it)

“Can’t top it, so what the fuck would I sugarcoat it for?” -“Above the Law,” Hell: the Sequel

“Painkillers, I call ’em cane pillars, ’cause to hold me up when I take them I need a cane and pillars” -“I’m on Everything,” Hell: the Sequel

“Call me Brett Favre, spell it F-A-V-R-E, yup, it’s wrong, in other words, I just fucked my RV up” -“I’m on Everything,” Hell: the Sequel

“I’m the real macaroni, you cheesy bitch, I’m demonic with the craft/Kraft” -“I’m on Everything,” Hell: the Sequel

“There’s a devil in my noodle, you: angel hair pasta” -“I’m on Everything,” Hell: the Sequel

“Flow’s dreaded like some fucking tangled hair Rasta” -“I’m on Everything,” Hell: the Sequel

“I’ll send a fucking axe if you insist on a fucking accent” -“I’m on Everything,” Hell: the Sequel

“You could put a turd on a plate, silverware, and a tablecloth to serve us, you don’t bring shit to the table” -“I’m on Everything,” Hell: the Sequel

“You’re pushing the envelope when I’m shoving that whole post office further” -“I’m on Everything,” Hell: the Sequel

“I don’t got no time to slow down for no relationshit” -“A Kiss,” Hell: the Sequel

“He’s so about a one night stand, his bedroom has two lamps and only one nightstand” -“A Kiss,” Hell: the Sequel

“You got a butt like no if ands” -“A Kiss,” Hell: the Sequel

“Tell Lady Gaga she can quit her job at the post office, she’s still a mail/male lady” -“A Kiss,” Hell: the Sequel

“Don’t give a damn about beaver” -“A Kiss,” Hell: the Sequel

“I’m gonna put this shit in park like dog shit” -“A Kiss,” Hell: the Sequel

You’re gonna jump into my truck and then try to get truculent?” -“A Kiss,” Hell: the Sequel

“Flip dick, you did opposite, but stayed the same because cock backwards is still cock, you pricks” -“Lighters,” Hell: the Sequel

“I’m so done with this shit that I may as well wipe” -“Take From Me,” Hell: the Sequel

“Life handed me lemons, I jumped back in the public eye and squirted lemon juice in it” -“Loud Noises,” Hell: the Sequel

“But I electrify, get electrocuted, executed by the execution of my flow” -“Loud Noises,” Hell: the Sequel

“Girl, my head space is limited, so I ain’t even room in the back of my mind, that’s why I ain’t thinking about you, I don’t got time” -“Loud Noises,” Hell: the Sequel

“Of course I’m a one trick pony, ’cause I’ll be screaming on these hoes ’til I’m hoarse” -“Living Proof,” Hell: the Sequel

“Rappers are fun and I’m the time ’cause I’m just flying by them” -“Living Proof,” Hell: the Sequel

“I eat rappers with the rhyme, consume them, the only fucking thing that you consume is time” -“Echo,” Hell: the Sequel

“I stopped chasing every chick under the sun many moons ago” -“Echo,” Hell: the Sequel

“Pretend my dick is a balloon and blow, but you better put a fork in it if you think I’mma lay here just spooning, yo” -“Echo,” Hell: the Sequel

“I learned how to sew and sewed shut my own bootyhole, ’cause I ain’t took no shit” -“Echo,” Hell: the Sequel

“When I come back I’mma set this bitch on fire, and this time I don’t mean I’mma pour gasoline on some chick and light her” -“Echo,” Hell: the Sequel

“This time, when I fuck the world, I’mma put the whole goddamn dick inside her” -“Echo,” Hell: the Sequel

“Fresher than a whole mouth full of chewed mints” -“Kool Kid Freestyle”

“Your style’s staler than a bowl of hardened rice” -“Kool Kid Freestyle”

And finally, any other songs of his I could find on Rap Genius:

“Time of the month, you couldn’t get the tape of the day” -1997 Rap Olympics

“I’m Marsh, but you’re the one that’s mellow” -1997 Rap Olympics

“Shit’s about to get as hairy as motherfucking Chewbacca’s nuts” -Freestyle from “Something from Nothing: The Art of Rap”

“Fuck, it’s raining! Shit, there’s lightning, bitch! It’s thundering ’cause I’m cussing up a storm” -“2.0 Boys”

“You couldn’t muster up enough thought to take a dump during a brain fart” -“2.0 Boys”

“Y’all lowered the bar like limbo” -“2.0 Boys”

“Will I ain’t” -“2.0 Boys”

“You’re a busta without the rhymes” -“313 Freestyle,” 8 MIle

“While you strong arm, I’m like Stretch Armstrong” -“That’s All She Wrote”

“Not even a Slim chance to make a narrow escape” -“That’s All She Wrote”

“Never should’ve came within range of my Rover” -“That’s All She Wrote”

“Buy you a bag of Fritos? I wouldn’t let you eat the fucking chip on my shoulder” -“That’s All She Wrote”

“If you was bleach and I was hair, I wouldn’t dye for you” -“That’s All She Wrote”

“Trying to pull five bucks from me is like trying to pull five molars” -“That’s All She Wrote”

“I’m on my straight grizzly, so why would I buy you a gay-ass teddy bear, bitch? You’re already bi-polar” -“That’s All She Wrote”

“Acid raps that’ll eat these these floors” -“BET Shady 2.0 Cypher”

“I’d be a horrible magician because I’ll fuck a trick up” -“BET Shady 2.0 Cypher”

“Fix your lips up to say something fly, or zip up” -“BET Shady 2.0 Cypher”

“Ay, B, let’s see, you said you were gonna do XYZ, ’til you fuck around and get dropped like an E when you add an ING” -“BET Shady 2.0 Cypher”

“Take meteor showers” -“BET Shady 2.0 Cypher”

I kind of gave up because there was a LOT of shit on Rap Genius and a LOT of it was terrible. I went a few days without finding a single pun. Plus, a bunch of them got deleted because I didn’t save. So, I hope you enjoyed this list. I know I didn’t enjoy making it. Tell me in the comments if there’s anything in particular you’d like to see me do next. Like if you like, follow if you follow, follow me on Twitter @BreakingPOORLY, and as always…

liek dis if u cry everitm.

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