How to Train Your Dragon was perhaps DreamWorks’ most popular film, receiving a 98% on Rotten Tomatoes and two Oscar nominations. The only major complaint people seemed to have is that it wasn’t very original. By which I mean that it wasn’t original in any capacity at any point in the film. Well wait a minute, isn’t that pretty significant? Yeah, I always found How to Train Your Dragon to be pretty overrated. Not bad or anything, just overrated.

How to Train Your Dragon 2 is the exact same movie. Hiccup’s all like “I wanna do the thing!” And then Stoick says “No, you can’t do the thing!” And then Hiccup does the thing, and he finds something really cool, and learns that things aren’t always as they seem, and learns a dark secret in his family’s past, and he and Stitch Toothless fuck around for a while. True, there’s a subplot in this one about how Jane Lynch from Wreck-It Ralph America Ferrera discovers a bad guy, who turns out to be good, then it turns out he’s bad, then it turns out he’s good, and there’s also something about who can and can’t control dragons, but yeah, they’re basically the same movie.

Here’s a good example of how unoriginal How to Train Your Dragon 2 is:

It’s been a Time Skip since the Rebellious Princess and Deathbringer the Adorable organized a Peace Conference between the Dragon Hoard and the Horny Vikings in the Undefeatable Little Village. While the Passionate Sportsgirl and her Ragtag Bunch of Misfits have Wacky Racing with the Dragon Hoard, the Dynamic Duo find a Lost World that contains an Ice Palace full of Evil Poachers. The Dynamic Duo is caught in the middle of a Conflict between Rebellious Princess’ Long-Lost Relative and the Big Bad. Thus, Rebellious Princess and Deathbringer have a Final Battle with the Big Bad so that things can be Brought Down to Normal.

I just took the official plot summary courtesy of 20th Century Fox and reworded it with tropes courtesy of There is nothing, and I mean nothing original in this entire movie. That being said, the animation is pretty spectacular. Especially the water, which is indistinguishable from real water, as is the sky indistinguishable from our own. And things that should be more cartoony, like the dragons and people, are also done really well. Overall, the real high point for the film is the animation.

The cast is okay. Jay Baruchel plays Peter Parker from Spider-Man 2 in a way that can only be described as Canadian. I don’t know why, that’s just the only way I can describe it. Cate Blanchett plays Cate Blanchett. Gerard Butler plays Generic Viking Man. Craig Ferguson plays a role in the film. The real standout performance was Diamond Ginsu Djimon Hounsou, who played Khal Drogo Ivan Drago Drago Bloodfist, the evil bad evil person who has villainous evil evil bad intentions. He’s the bad guy.

The most annoying part of the movie, besides the insufferable twins played by TJ Miller and Kristen Wiig, is the constant use of the coincidental censorship joke. You’ll note how I used the strikethrough name joke quite a few times in this article. Realistically speaking, How to Train Your Dragon 2 probably did the accidental censorship joke as many times as I did that one. It has never, and I mean never been funny. On TV Tropes, it’s called the Curse Cut Short, and it has been done by everyone from Digimon to Shaft to Finding Nemo to Doctor Who. The only movies that have ever made it work are the “mother” joke in Hot Fuzz and the infamous dick joke in Austin Powers. Stop trying this lame-ass joke and write some dialogue that doesn’t require cursing, DreamWorks.

Overall, I give this movie a B-. ‘Saite. Reviews of 22 Jump Street, Jersey Boys, Trans4mers, and They Came Together coming real soon. Be sure to stick around. Like if you favorite, follow if you Twitter, and as always…

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