Some people have asked me what my opinion on Lil Wayne is. Well, I’ll tell you. I think Lil Wayne was pretty good… for a little while in 2010. Yeah, for some reason, Lil Wayne had a few really good singles and guest verses in 2010 and 2011. I think it went like this: In the beginning, Weezy was a newcomer, but he was already calling himself the greatest rapper alive, even though his lyrics ranged from decent to terrible. Nowadays, he’s drunk off his own power, and he knows that no matter what he does, people will still listen to his shit, so he’s stopped trying. But for that brief period where Weezy was either about to go to jail, in jail, or just out of jail, he made what he said count, and the results showed with amazing guest verses like the one on “No Love” and great singles like “Six Foot Seven Foot.” Anyway, Lil Wayne also has a group called Young Money. They’re terrible. They just released an album. Let’s begin

#1: WE ALRIGHT by Lil Wayne feat. Euro and Birdman

OK, first off, I just want to point out that the title claims that this is a song by Lil Wayne, with guest verses/choruses from Euro and Birdman. Make no mistake. This is a Euro song. So Lil Wayne just disappointed even the people who are still fans of him by having one relatively short verse on a four-and-a-half-minute Euro song. Birdman’s verse is even shorter than Weezy’s. But that’s not even the problem. You see, Euro is the newest rapper on Young Money, and he’s not super good. YMCMB’s had worse, but this guy has absolutely no flow whatsoever. And his lyrics aren’t good, either. For example, at one point on this song, he rhymes “up” with “up” seven times. Now, you may be wondering, “How can you rhyme something seven times?” My thoughts exactly. It’s not like the next line is “cup” or something; it’s a different rhyme. Also, the chorus rhymes “alright” with “alright” seven times. And don’t expect to hear the song and think, “Ohhhhhh, so that’s how he did it.” He’s just terrible. End of story. Birdman’s verse somehow manages to be even worse than usual by being filled with cliched lines, one particular line about having every president that ever died in a bag, which would only make sense if the bag was full of quarters, which would be fuckin’ stupid. He also manages to mention GTV twice in one verse, and both times it’s entirely non sequitur. Lil Wayne’s verse is pretty good for Lil Wayne, I guess, but it’s still disgustingly sexist and doesn’t have much of a flow. And yet, at least six Rap Genius users agree with the statement, “Lil Wayne comes through with a verse that is questionably his best verse in the past two years? And with the way these bars sound and flow, Tha Carter V could be a classic! Not to mention, Wayne is possibly the best rapper alive!” Nope. Just… nope. Overall, I give the song a D+, because once again, Lil Wayne’s verse is decent, and I guess Euro has a lot of energy for most of the song, something Young Money desperately needs.

#2: TROPHIES by Drake

Honestly, this song is pretty good. Drake has more energy than ever before on these verses, and while the lyrics are pretty simple, the song still has a lot of potential. Imagine if Drake had this kind of energy on “Headlines.” That would be something special. Not much to say, because Drake does not give a fuck what I have to say about this song, so I’ll just go ahead and give it a B. Maybe if Drake stopped caring so much I might start liking him again.

#3: BANG by Cory Gunz, Euro, and Lil Twist

I fucking hate Lil Twist. He’s just so annoying. It’s like if Lil Wayne and SpongeBob had a kid whose skills were slightly lesser than those of his parents. His verse basically goes like this: “I smoke weed, I have a Bentley, I love my life, I’ve overcome a lot of unspecific adversities, I went to jail for a day and now I think I’m hardcore, some rappers are fake, but I’m not, because paparazzi flock to me, I wear designer clothes, I am friends with famous rappers, as I am signed to Cash Money, aren’t I such a great rapper? I wear designer clothes, I wear designer clothes, I have a Ferrari, apparently in addition to my Bentley, y’all niggas thought I lost it, I’m awesome (those last two are actual lines from the song), I am friends with Justin Bieber, I know a lot about sports, I am tired from doing so much excellent rapping, I am signed to Cash Money,  I love my life, I am Lil Twist, I have had sex with several women, and if you are a woman, I would like to have sex with you as well.” That’s literally everything he says for the whole verse. That being said, the rest of the song is pretty good. Euro does a decent job, Cory Gunz, who is my favorite person signed to Cash Money, does a very good job, and the chorus, while vapid, is barely there. Overall, I give it a B-, because Lil Twist is really fucking annoying.

#4: SENILE by Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj, and Tyga

This song features Tyga, the most boring name in rap music, Nicki Minaj, now with even less personality and much more Lil Kimness than ever before, and Lil Wayne having a lot of fun singing straightforward lyrics with no jokes or wordplay in them whatsoever. It sucks. I give it a D, because at least it’s inoffensive, which is more than I can say for some other Lil Wayne songs *cough Bitches Love Me cough*


Now, you may be saying, “Hey, look, Euro finally has top billing!” First of all, he’s the only person on the song, so they had to give him top billing. Second of all, they did not give him top billing. The track is listed as “Young Money featuring Euro,” even though Euro is part of Young Money and no one else on Young Money is on the song. It’s like if “Ghetto Superstar” was by the Fugees featuring Pras. Anyway, the song itself is pretty good. Euro is very energetic and is clearly very passionate about these lyrics. The lyrics themselves are meh, but still, B+.

#6: ONE TIME by Lil Twist featuring Tyga and YG

Have I ever told you that I hate Lil Twist? Because I do. This time, his verse goes something like this: “What are you looking at? I have money. I love my life. I have money. You, the girl I am speaking to, are hot. I drive a Benz. I am a pimp.” You may have noted how short that was. That’s because his verse is only 8 lines. He also has eight lines on the chorus, for a grand total of 16 bars on the whole song. Tyga and YG also suck. D-.

#7: HITTIN LIKE by Shanell and Chanel West Coast

Now, the interesting thing about this song is that both rappers are female. Unfortunately, that’s the only interesting thing about this song. I listened to ten bars of Gucci Gucci by Kreayshawn after listening to this song and I’ve already forgotten it. F. You may have noticed that these song reviews have been getting shorter. It’s not that I’m getting lazy. I just had more to say about the first two.

#8: LOOKIN ASS NIGGA by Nicki Minaj

This song is… actually pretty good. It still has a bit of a Lil Kim vibe, and it says “nigga” a full 39 times, and the chorus and beat are pretty weak, but it’s pretty interesting. It’s a song about being anti-“nigga behavior,” which you probably know about if you watch/read The Boondocks. There’s actually some pretty interesting wordplay and observations involved, despite each line ending with “ass nigga.” B.

#9: FRESHER THAN EVER by Birdman, Flow, Gudda Gudda, Jae Millz, and Mack Maine

The first half of this song gets a solid F. It’s just straight boring. The verses are bad, the bridges are terrible, and the lack of the chorus doesn’t make a song “edgy,” it just makes it harder to get people to listen to it. The second half of this song gets a C. It’s basically the same, but with better lyrics and none of those godawful Birdman bridges. The second half also features a two-minute verse from Mack Maine, who is the third most boring person on the album. So yeah, C. Overall, I give it a D, because that’s the average of C and F.

#10: BACK IT UP by Lil Twist and Tyga

Oh, boy. My two least favorite people on Young Money did a song called “Back It Up.” It’s just so bad. The beat is boring, the verses are vapid, the rappers are as annoying as ever, EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SO BAD. I give it a solid F. Luckily, we’re almost done. Oops, almost forgot the customary summary of Lil Twist’s verse. I’ll be doing the second one: “You are a stripper. I enjoy strippers. Here, have some money. May I look at your ass? Just so you listeners know, I am in a strip club with Lil Wayne. I have a lot of money. I am in Young Money. I am in Young Money. I have friends who are also in Young Money. I do not like haters. I have a lot of money. Do you think you have more money than me? If so, meet me and we can compare. I am still in a strip club. I am a “boss” who is “stunting.” I have a lot of money. I have a lot of money. I enjoy women.”

#11: MOMENT by Lil Wayne

That’s right. An album Lil Wayne clearly made to showcase his friends’ talent features a song entirely by Lil Wayne. It’s… OK. The lyrics are pretty good usually, but it’s a very boring beat and a very boring chorus. I’m probably going to listen to Tha Carter V, mainly because I intend to review it, but let’s be honest, Lil Wayne is past his prime. B-.

#12: YOU ALREADY KNOW by Gudda Gudda, Jae Millz, Mack Maine, and PJ Morton

This is another OK song. The beat is pretty good, and the chorus is catchy enough, and while the verses aren’t great, there are still some good lines here or there. Gudda Gudda’s rhymes are still somewhat baffling, and he definitely forgot a few of the words and started mumbling at least once. Jae Millz is a pretty straightforward “I’m a pimp/gangsta/New Yorker/robber/sports player” verse. Mack Maine’s is my favorite on the song. At the beginning, he calls back to his verse on “Every Girl” where he said that Miley Cyrus should call him in three years, and he seems genuinely disappointed that she hasn’t, which I find hilarious. Overall, I give it a B.

So, I give this album THE D!!!1!11!!1!!11!1!!! *chest bumps* Despite a few good songs, the real problem is that it’s BORING. There were only twelve songs on this album, but it took me three days to listen to them all because after three or four I was like, “Had it with this shit! Back to YouTube!” Now that I’m done, I have to say that I am not the least bit impressed.

“But wait, JD,” you may be saying, “don’t you usually review the bonus tracks form the deluxe versions of albums as well?”

Yes, yes I do.

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