I’ll probably end up updating this list every year, leading up to the definitive list at the end of 2019. Anyway, this has been a mediocre decade for popular music so far, but there have been a few standouts. Here are my picks for the top ten Billboard Hot 100 top ten singles so far this decade. Entries are accompanied by photos of the lead singers with annoying faces.
#10: THE SHOW GOES ON by Lupe Fiasco
Non-hip-hop fans may think Lupe Fiasco is some one-and-a-half-hit wonder who managed to get a single released because some record executive thought he was pretty neat. In fact, Fiasco released his first album back in 2006, and is still pretty famous in the rap community. Fans of his will tell you that “The Show Goes On” is far from his best work, and while this is true, it’s still a great, uplifting song with some very interesting lyrics. If you haven’t already, you should really listen to some of Lupe’s other stuff.
#9: BERZERK by Eminem
This song reminds me of the Beastie Boys. This is probably because of its great, guitar-driven, metalish beat, fun lyrics, and weird smell. That’s probably just the smell of Rick Rubin, who does an excellent job producing this song, sure to be remembered for years to come.
#8: NIGGAS IN PARIS by the Throne (Kanye West and Jay-Z)
A lot of people don’t like Kanye West. They say he’s arrogant and annoying. But some people go as far as to say they don’t like Kanye’s music because he’s arrogant and annoying. And that’s just taking it too far. Kanye is an excellent beatmaker and a pretty good lyricist, and this song is a great example of that. With some help from DJ Jazzy Sean, Kanye made what could be the most Kanye song imaginable, with its catchy beat, braggy lyrics, unique style, and Will Ferrell quotes. Just keep doing what you’re doing, Kanye.
#7: SOME NIGHTS by Fun.
These guys must be big fans of Queen. And if Fun. is the new Queen, then “Some Nights” is their “Bohemian Rhapsody.” The song is epic, changes its tone a lot, and is pretty hard to make sense of. The song follows no structure, outside of a repeated phrase or two, and it’s really hard to listen to the song without getting jazzed up. It’s a really interesting, really cool, really memorable song, and I hope to hear more from them in the future. (“I Wanna Get Better,” the debut single from a band called Bleachers that contains Fun.’s Jack Antonoff, is fantastic.)
#6: SUIT AND TIE by Justin Timberlake featuring Jay-Z
Jay-Z, having made 13 of the best Top 10 singles of the last decade, decided to go ahead and just keep doing that. And while he did have a few less-than-perfect songs this year (“Drunk In Love,” “Holy Grail”), this was not one of them. Everything about this song is just so cool. It’s truly the Jack Donaghy of ’10s pop music. What is the Liz Lemon of ’10s pop music, you may ask? “The Fox.” Wow, I just realized I haven’t mentioned Timberlake this whole time. Timberlake’s a really cool guy.
#5: RAP GOD by Eminem
I’ve talked about this song a few times before, so I’ll leave you with this: I am less sick of this song than any of Eminem’s other three singles this year. It might be my favorite song on MMLP2, with a couple exceptions (“Love Game”). And I’ve memorized it. Really. Swear to doge.
#4: SIX FOOT SEVEN FOOT by Lil Wayne featuring Cory Gunz
This is one of maybe three good songs in Lil Wayne’s entire library. And of those three songs, this is definitely the best. It makes you wonder why Lil Wayne doesn’t make another song like this. The only credited writers are Lil Wayne and Cory Gunz, so obviously this song was just them. It’s really amazing, this song. Every line is either funny, clever, interesting, or all three, with a few name-drops added in for no reason. “I think you stand under me if you don’t understand me.” I guess I stand under you then, Mr. Swagmore, because I can’t understand you at all.
#3: FUCK YOU by Cee Lo Green
#2: HAPPY by Pharrell Williams
This one is probably the most recent song on the list, having been released on the soundtrack for Despicable Me 2 last summer, and not released as a single until November, but what can I say? It has made me happier every time I heard it than any other song since 2010 (I’m looking at you, “Good Life”), and possibly ever. There’s a reason it’s number one right now in practically all of Europe. It’s a song that really makes you feel like a room without a roof.
Before unveiling my #1, here are a few honorable mentions:
ROLLING IN THE DEEP: Four-hit wonder Adele sings her ass off in this simple, heartfelt song that gets stuck in your head for days, starting… NOW.
THE EDGE OF GLORY: Easily the best song in Lady Gaga’s career, “Edge of Glory” is a Springsteen reminiscent techno-pop smash that features quite possibly the best saxophone solo in the history of ever. It’s pretty cool.
GOOD LIFE: Like “Happy,” “Good Life” is a song that just makes you feel good every time you hear it. From the start, OneRepublic was always almost something. It seemed like with each song, they got a step closer to goodness. “Apologize” was pretty bad, “All the Right Moves” was a little better, but still pretty bad, “Secrets” had a lot of potential, but the lyrics and lack of energy in Ryan Tedder’s voice weighed it down, “Good Life” is pretty good, but doesn’t quite forgive their previous songs, and finally…
COUNTING STARS: This is likely the peak for OneRepublic. I can’t foresee them being any better than this, especially since Tedder still has very little emotion in his voice. This song is interesting, catchy, and all-around good, the first OneRepublic song that can truly claim to possess all of those traits.
WE ARE NEVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER: As you may have noticed, this was the only Taylor Swift song to get a mention. And that’s because… It’s truly my favorite Taylor Swift song. It’s fun, catchy, and realistic. And that’s the big one; it’s realistic. I can totally imagine the guy Taylor is talking about. This is one that I 100% agree with Todd in the Shadows about. Except I might like it a little more than Todd does.
GANGNAM STYLE: Some of you might really disagree with this one. And I see where you’re coming from. On the surface, it seems like a vapid, LMFAO-style dance song that tries and usually fails to be funny. But have you actually looked at the lyrics? Or better yet, an analysis of the lyrics? “Gangnam Style” is a song passive-aggressively criticizing the wealthy Gangnam district of Seoul. It’s kind of like the Korean version of “Beverly Hills” by Weezer. I think you see where I’m going with this.
THRIFT SHOP: Put bluntly, “Thrift Shop” is a hilarious, catchy, and honest. It’s a great song, and so is this one.
CAN’T HOLD US: This might be the best beat Ryan Lewis will ever be able to come up with. It’s simple, yet powerful. And the lyrics aren’t half bad, either.
THE WAY: This song might have made it onto the list if it weren’t for one thing: Mac Miller. I’m not saying Mac Miller’s always terrible… but he’s usually pretty bad. He just puts absolutely no effort into his lyrics. And the forced ebonics, selfish lyrics, and all-around lack of anything interesting in his two verses, each of which is less than ten lines, are the main reasons this song didn’t make it onto the list.
TREASURE: I don’t even know why I love this song so much. I just do. Case closed.
BEST SONG EVER: Some of you may be like, “Why on earth would you put a song by a band that has had mainly bad singles on a list of good singles? They’re a boy band that made a boy band song! It’s inexcusable!” But I ask you this: why not? This song is catchy, has interesting, realistic lyrics, and tells an honest-to-god story, something I can’t say for a lot of the songs that did make it into the top ten.
SAFE AND SOUND: Sure, it’s pretty repetitive, but have you ever heard a better use of trumpet in a pop song?
POMPEII: This is a song about Pompeii. They thought the story of Pompeii was really poetic and interesting, and so they wrote a song about it. They were right. This song is a very bouncy, energetic song, despite being about an entire civilization being destroyed by a volcano. And it’s a very unique, interesting song. So there.
#1: GET LUCKY by Daft Punk featuring Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers
Yeah, “Get Lucky” is pretty hard to beat. It’s like the Dark Knight of pop music. Even when you realize its flaws, you keep calling it one of the greatest, because everything that’s good about it lets you overlook everything that’s bad about it. It’s impossible to make this song any less awesome. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost did a rendition of it in the most ridiculous voices they could think of, and it was still just as good. Just like how Christian Bale did The Dark Knight in the most ridiculous voice he could think of and it was still good. Huh.
Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @BreakingPOORLY. Like the article if you like it, favorite it if it’s your favorite, follow if you want to make love to it. Coming up: MOAR MOVIE REVIEWS!!!!1! And also, more stuff like this? Hm? Tell me what you think of that. And as always…
Like dis if ucry everytim.