There were a lot of good movies and a lot of bad movies this year, but there were a LOT of forgettable ones. Here are the top five most forgettable movies I’ve seen all year (as usual, accompanied by the first Google Image result for their titles.)

#5: ADMISSION

“Why are some of the letters blurry on this sign, Dad?” “Because it looks dramatic, son.”

I am still awestruck by the notion that Admission came out this year. I feel like I saw it three years ago. It wasn’t even a bad movie, it just wasn’t really memorable, which is surprising, considering its cast includes Tina Fey and Paul Rudd.

GRADE: B-

#4: 42

ooo shiny

Once again, this movie wasn’t bad. In fact, only one movie on this list is actively bad. This movie is not that movie. It’s pretty interesting and keeps my attention for the most part. My biggest complaint is that Harrison Ford really steals the show from Chadwick Boseman, who as an actor, I find… OK. He’s usually fine.

GRADE: B- (This is a grade you’ll be seeing a lot on this list)

#3: THE WOLVERINE

He’s so muscular, he’s kind of a little TOO muscular. Bit distracting, really.

This one’s different from the first two in that it’s not just good, it’s very good. It’s even better in retrospect than it was when I first saw it. This could, of course, be because I’ve forgotten a lot of it, but I dunno. Seriously though, besides the post-credits scene, I only vaguely remember this movie that came out in June.

GRADE: B+

#2: PLANES

Wow, this Disney animation just keeps getting better

When I first saw Planes, I gave it an F and called it one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. After seeing Free Birds and rewatching some of the other worst movies I’ve ever seen, I downgraded Planes to a D and took it off my bottom five. The problem with that is that there are movies whose grades are higher than a D but are still in my bottom five. So why did I take it off? BECAUSE I CAN’T FUCKING REMEMBER IT. I can’t remember any aspect of this movie that wasn’t drilled into my head by the advertisements. And even then, I think there are a few things I forgot. Anyway, like I said

GRADE: D

AND THE MOST FORGETTABLE MOVIE OF 2013 IS…

#1: IDENTITY THIEF

Fifth time’s a charm, I guess

Even looking at photos from this movie, I can’t remember anything except the basic plot: Jason Bateman’s identity is stolen by Melissa McCarthy because he has a unisex name and he finds her and they go on an adventure. Once again, it wasn’t bad. It wasn’t really good, but it wasn’t bad. It was just so forgettable. Even when I was trying to think of movies this year that I don’t remember in preparation for this list, this movie never occurred to me, because I had forgotten it existed until I looked at a list of movies that came out this year on Wikipedia.

So, that concludes my Most Forgettable list. Coming up: my Best and Worst lists, followed by a short break, followed by a Wolf of Wall Street review in 2013. Until then…

End transmission.

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