Yeah, that title may not sound like the highest praise. Rest assured, I really did like this film. Just not as much as Wreck-It Ralph, its predecessor. Or Get A Horse!, its literal predecessor. But, since this article is about the movie and not Get A Horse!, I’ll save that for the end.

I’d talk about the directors, but there’s not much to say about them. Jennifer Lee’s only other major credit is writer for Wreck-It Ralph, and while Chris Buck is a little more prolific, his only directing credits are Surf’s Up and Tarzan. Maybe I can talk about the writers… Chris Buck and Jennifer Lee. Let’s talk about the original story.

Frozen, you see, is based on “The Snow Queen,” or “Snedronningen,” which I will be calling it from now on because it’s AWESOME. Snedronningen is a confusing mess of a story about god-knows-what written by Hans Christian Andersen, a man who specialized in that sort of thing. Andersen also wrote “The Emperor’s New Clothes” and “The Little Mermaid,” which also had Disney movies loosely, and I use the term loosely, based on them. So, what does this movie have to do with Snedronningen? Pretty much nothing.

How did that turn out? Pretty good, honestly. It’s a fairly straightforward princess movie, with a few twists and turns, albeit obvious ones. Most of the music is good, although not memorable. And overall, it’s just a fun movie. I like how the two female main characters rarely talk about love, and the main character’s instantly falling in love is ridiculed throughout the movie, and almost leads to her downfall. Both male leads are pretty likable, although I’ll admit to liking the one who turned out to be the bad guy more than the one who saved the day. And the side characters? Well, I’ll get to those in a minute. Overall, I admire Buck and Lee for making their own, very original story, realizing a character was called the Snow Queen, and giving Hans Christian Andersen a writing credit. Also, the animation was great throughout.

Now let’s talk about the things I didn’t like. First of all, the side characters.  It’s not that I didn’t like them, they just felt unnecessary. Except the trolls, they furthered the story. Also, I didn’t like them. Anyway, the Josh Gad snowman was actually less annoying than I expected him to be. Which is a plus. Unfortunately, that plus is counteracted by the fact that the reindeer was annoying. How do you make a character that can’t talk annoying? You’ll have to see the movie to find out. I had a couple questions, sure. FOR EXAMPLE: If Olaf didn’t know what fire was, how did he know how to make it? How come Elsa can control her powers sometimes? Why couldn’t she just talk to Anna? What did the Duke of Weselton ever do to them? The trolls never say the act of true love has to be a kiss. In fact, in the end the act of true love is a hug. So why wasn’t it enough that Kristoff and Anna were risking both of their lives to be together? How was Elsa able to not leave her room the whole time? Didn’t she need to… do princess stuff? Run the country and whatnot? After her parents died, she was in charge of the whole country, wasn’t she? Was Anna in charge of the whole country? If so, why was she so lonely? All these questions and more will NOT be answered in a movie that is LESS THAN 90 MINUTES LONG.

On a final note, I notice that the love triangle between Kristoff, Hans, and Anna is not unlike that of Peeta, Gale, and Katniss. Anna and Katniss are both strong independent women who go on an epic journey to save their sisters (although Anna is a little more lifelike badum-tss). Kristoff and Gale are more like Anna/Katniss and have known them for longer (although in Kristoff’s case, it was only a little longer) and both have brown hair. Hans and Peeta are both your average, everyday weirdo who just met Anna/Katniss and with whom they have nothing in common. And they have blonde hair. Also, in the third act, Kristoff/Gale is no longer the love interest and instead turns into somewhat of an antagonist, leaving Anna/Katniss no choice but to be with Hans/Peeta. Uncanny.

Now let’s talk about Get A Horse!. Get A Horse! was phenomenal. It started out with a classic Mickey Mouse short, possibly a real unfinished one, but possibly just an old-fashioned animation with spliced-together clips of Walt Disney (Yes, all of Mickey’s lines are done by Walt Disney and all the voices are from their original voice actors. If you don’t think that’s the tightest shit, then get out of my face.). However, about a minute in, the bad guy accidentally throws Mickey so hard that he shoots through the screen into the real world (or more accurately, a moviegoer’s nachos). The rest of the short takes place between the two worlds, with classic Disney jokes and classic Disney physics (the bad guy squeezes the tear until it goes away). I hear this short is up for an Oscar. I dearly hope it wins. Mad props to director Lauren MacMullan for bringing this short to life.

So overall, I give this movie a B+. While not as good as its predecessor, Wreck-It Ralph, it is a fun little movie and a welcome addition to the Disney princess franchise. And I give Get A Horse! an A. It was hilarious, innovative, and once again, the tightest shit. I MAY have a Thor 2 review out on Sunday, or maybe the next Sunday. Until then…

End transmission.

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