This was a weird year for TV. We saw the triumphant return of Whose Line Is It Anyway?, the less triumphant return of The Arsenio Hall Show, Leno finally giving up on this whole “being popular” thing, only one noteworthy new fall show (Brooklyn Nine-Nine), a season of SNL where every episode (so far) has been very funny, despite the lack of Hader, Sudeikis, or Samberg, and perhaps most shocking of all, five shows considered among the best of all time came to an end. So today, I decided to count them down, starting with one of the worst finales in television history.

#5: DEXTER

 

Speaking of Bill Hader

Oh, boy. How does one even think of this as an ending to one of the most gruesome shows on TV? There are mediocre endings (Seinfeld), there are bad endings (LOST), and then there’s this. In the end, Dexter Morgan, who may I remind you, has been a serial killer for the past eight years, becomes a lumberjack in the end. WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? Just why?

GRADE: D-

#4: 30 Rock

No comment

Let me make something clear: I loved 30 Rock. If this was a list of my favorite TV shows, 30 Rock would probably be somewhere in the top 2. In fact, I remember really liking this finale, too. I just don’t remember the finale itself. And there’s the problem. The 30 Rock finale was not memorable. It was funny, it was sad, it was a good ending to a fantastic series, but it wasn’t memorable. One thing I do remember: the Rural Juror song. HIT IT!

The Irma Luhrman-Merman murder turned the bird’s word lurid

The whir and the purr of the twirler girl, she would the world were demurer

GRADE: B

#3: FUTURAMA

The insurer’s allure for valor were pure Kari Wuhrer

Oh, man. This ending was phenomenal. It’s a shame that I have to put it at #3, because this was really my second-favorite episode of Futurama, one of my favorite shows. Everything was perfect. I could’ve used more of the other characters, but what I got was still pretty great. The only other complaint I have is that there was too much buildup for a plot that lasted like, five minutes. Maybe the buildup was the plot, what do I know? I’m just a lowly little bagel looking to make it in the big city.

#selfie #nomakeup

GRADE: A-

#2: BREAKING BAD

Walt and Jesse watching Sex and the City 2.

The Breaking Bad finale was a terrific ending to a terrific series. No further questions.

GRADE: A

Actually, one further question: Why did I put Breaking Bad at #2 on a “Best ______ of 2013” list? Am I really that much of a dumbfuck?

No, I’m not that much of a dumbfuck. You see, while the Breaking Bad finale was extremely good, it wasn’t an improvement. More than 2/3 of Breaking Bad episodes are that good.

Okay, but was there really a finale this year that was such an improvement on the rest of the show or even just the past few seasons that it surpasses the Breaking Bad finale?

#1: THE OFFICE

Fuck you, Toby

Wow. Just, wow. How did this show bounce back so fast? The finale, and the three episodes leading into it, were the best The Office has had since season 5. In fact, “Finale” and “AARM” are probably among my favorite Office episodes of all time. I seriously think this finale was flawless. Absolutely flawless. There were certain scenes that could’ve been improved, but the overall quality of the episode would’ve remained the same. Simply perfection

GRADE: A+

Follow me on Twitter @BreakingPOORLY. Coming up: reviews ‘n shit. Until then…

End transmission.

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