Why do classics have to be good? While there are a few exceptions (Titanic, American Graffiti), it does seem to be that most classics, even modern ones (except WALL-E) and classics in their own genre (except Spider-Man 2) tend to be extremely good. One could even argue that being good is what makes a movie a classic, even though this is clearly not the case (Avatar, okay, I’m done). Note: I don’t think any of the aforementioned movies are bad. I just don’t think they’re great… except Avatar. Avatar is pretty bad (Forrest Gump, okay, NOW I’m done).

Anyway, If you share these complaints with me, then boy, do I have the movie for you. It’s a little movie called Scream, which came out in 1996 and was directed by legendary director of really scary movies and their hilariously non-scary sequels, Wes Craven. The movie came out of 1996 and made nearly twelve times its budget, supposedly leading to three sequels. We don’t know for sure because no one has admitted to seeing them. The movie starred “legendary” “actor” Skeet Ulrich as well as Hollywood power couple who everyone thought was divorced in the 90s but actually stayed together until this year, Courtney Cox and David Arquette. Arqox, if you will. Please don’t say that out loud.

But no one cares about any of those… doofi. The real star of this movie was Henry Winkler, who played the only character he can play anymore. In this movie, Barry Zuckercorn is the principal of the school that the annoying, bland, uninteresting main characters go to. He gets killed off after less than ten minutes of screen time. Luckily for us, however, his screen time is spread out over three appearances, and his death is actually pretty close to the climax. Which is a good thing, because it means that at least some of these obnoxious, terribly acted, terribly written characters will finally get killed.

Is there anything I don’t like about this movie besides the unbearably ridiculous main characters? Funny you should ask, because I was just about to talk about that. I hate how this movie is scored. A lot of the time, the scary music fails at being scary, which isn’t even that hard to do. Some of the murder scenes are really cool, especially the one at the beginning, but none of them are really scary. Also, a constant problem I had throughout this movie was that they would play scary music even though nothing remotely scary was going on.

Is there anything I did like about this movie? Well, like I said before, I loved Henry Winkler’s character, if only because he’s playing Barry Zuckercorn with a different name. And once again, there were some scenes that were really scary. In fact, by the end of the movie, they even manage to make Skeet Ulrich tolerable. It was also the movie that brought the horror genre back into the public eye, which has its ups and downs. Another thing I like about this movie is that it’s kind of a novelty. It’s the most 90s movie I’ve ever seen. Seriously, this movie is the equivalent of watching a movie that says in big red letters “THIS WAS MADE IN THE 90S” every five seconds, like the “Blurred Lines” video. So, overall, I give this movie a C+. See it if you want to feel like you’ve been slapped with an NES controller by Vanilla Ice for two hours.