Hello and welcome to Stank-Ass Ranking. Today we’ll be examining the Superman movies. Why, you may ask? Because I haven’t put an article out in a while and I wanted to treat you guys. Before we begin, I want to point out that my list will NOT include Superman and the Mole Men, since I have never seen the movie and doubt that I could even if I wanted to. Alright, let’s begin with the worst movie in the entire Superman franchise.
Now, a lot of you are probably thinking, does Supergirl really count as a Superman movie? Superman’s not even in it. Wait, scratch that. A lot of you are probably thinking, there was a Supergirl movie? Well, the reason you don’t know about it is that at first, it wasn’t even released in North America. TriStar did eventually release it stateside, but it only earned the movie an extra $14 million. And it’s easy to see why. This movie is truly atrocious. It’s such a perfect example of a bad movie, it’s almost too bad to be true. Unfortunately, it is true, and it was released on DVD in 2006. GRADE: F
This is the movie a lot of you were expecting to be at the bottom. Not only is this movie bad, it’s really bad. Not only is this movie really bad, it’s so bad that Superman wouldn’t bounce back for another 26 years afterwards, and even then he’s still not exactly the biggest hero around. This movie is really, really bad. I won’t go into detail, because I think you all know why. Actually, I will go into detail. It was inconsistent, the special effects were terrible… and then there’s Nuclear Man. I am dumbfounded by how this movie was allowed to be shown in theaters. I really want to know. GRADE: F
#5: Superman III
Silly Richard Pryor, that’s not how humor works! GRADE: D+
#4: Superman Returns
Lesson: don’t let people play Superman just because they’ll attract the teenage girl demographic. Seriously, I think I would’ve preferred it if Nicolas Cage was Superman
Never mind. GRADE: C-
#3: Man of Steel
This movie was by no means bad. It just wasn’t good. Or at least, not as good as the two movies you’ll see on top, once I’m done killing time with this movie. I already reviewed this movie, and although my opinions on it have changed since then, you’ll probably want to check it out to get my full opinion. GRADE: B-
#2: Superman II
Yep. Superman II was awesome. It starred Terrence Stamp as Zod, instead of Emo Frankenstein from Man of Steel. But I’m sorry, I can not take that Phantom Zone. GRADE: B+ And the best Superman movie of all time is…
There can be only one. This movie is really good. So good, it has a 93% on Rotten Tomatoes. So good, that it was nominated for three Academy Awards and a Special Achievement award for its visual effects. This movie is so good that it, along with Star Wars and Close Encounters, launched the popularity of sci-fi movies. Was there really any doubt that this would be number one? It’s just so good. GRADE: A.
Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @BreakingPOORLY for more of my mad ramblings. If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, post them in the comments section below or e-mail them to me at email@example.com. I’ll try to get a Cloudy 2 review up on Sunday, followed by two articles about Breaking Bad. Until then…