So, the news just came out. Ben Affleck is Batman. Will I be the 2 billionth person to complain about it or the fifth person to defend it? Well, kinda both. While Affleck may not have been my first choice for Batman, I’m not fully prepared to make a decision about his Batman.
I do, however, think he’d make a great Bruce Wayne. Think about it, though. He already is the billionaire playboy who lives in a fancy-ass mansion and probably has a wisecracking butler. We already know he can do drama, and that he can do comedy. All he’d really need to do is but on a little muscle and there’s your Bruce Wayne. But would he make a good Batman? That’s a different story.
That’s the tricky part. Affleck is somewhat athletic, so maybe we’ll be seeing a more comic-like Batman, one who can do things like turning his neck and bending his knees. People seem to think he’s not manly (or batly) enough to be Batman, but I actually see a lot of Adam West in him. First of all, Adam looked a little like Affleck back in the 60s. Second, they’re both very funny people who are known for playing serious roles. That’s actually about it. But what I REALLY need to know before I make my final decision is one thing: What’s his Batman voice? If it’s better than Bale‘s, I’ll be satisfied.
The real question is: Will there be a Robin? If so, which one? How old will he be? There are so many questions that can be asked about Robin in this movie. But if there’s one person that I feel deserves to play Robin, it’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Now, JoGoLo already played a person named Robin in The Dark Knight Rises, and the implication was that he was going to become Robin, or Nightwing, or Batman. But I’d like to see him in action. I think he’d make a fine Robin. In fact, if there is a Robin in this movie, I’d probably be mad if it wasn’t Mr. Gordon-Levitt-Patrick-Hoffman-Lewis-McGillicuddy. Unless it was someone better. Then I’d be fine.
The other question on everyone’s mind: Who’s Lex Luthor? Come on, guys, you know Lex Luthor’s going to be in this. But who could play him? Well, the rumor right now is that Bryan Cranston’s going to play him, but I’m not sure if he’s the best choice. If I had to choose someone to play Lex Luthor King Jr., I’d give it to Clancy Brown. Who is Clancy Brown, you may ask? Well, he’s a voice/character actor best known for playing Lex Luthor in the DC Animated Universe and Mr. Krabs on Spongebob. And I think he’d make a great live-action Lex. First of all, he’s got the voice. Second of all, he’s very menacing. Just look at this guy!
Third and foremost, he can pull off the bald look. If you don’t believe me, look it up. I’d show you, but I don’t want to put two photos in a row. So, that’s why Ben Affleck will probably make a decent Batman and why Mr. Krabs and Tommy Solomon should play Robin and Lex Luthor Vandross. Coming soon: The World’s End review, Three Flavors retrospective, a ranking of the Batman movies, Futurama retrospective, my favorite Futurama episodes, and a review of the Futurama finale. Until then…