Now, I loved iCarly. And VicTORIous. They were both really funny shows that weren’t condescending to kids. Now, these shows were both by Dan Schneider, the man behind Drake and Josh, Zoey 101, All That, Kenan and Kel, and The Amanda Show.BUUUUUUUT he’s also the man behind Good Burger, What I Like About You, Guys Like Us, and The Amanda Show, which fits into both categories.
Anyway, about two years ago, iCarly and VicTORIous crossed over, in “iParty with Victorious,” one of the worst-titled things ever. This made it clear that these two shows exist in the same universe, and it eventually became clear that Drake and Josh andZoey 101 take place in this very same universe. The characters in the two shows had a lot of chemistry, so when both shows came to an end, Schneider decided to make a crossover show featuring the most annoying characters from both shows.
Enter Sam and Cat. The show follows a tough, intimidating young adult woman and a sweet, naïve young adult woman. Yes, since they’ve both graduated high school, the show is about two adult women and is geared toward children under 13. This was clearly not thought out very well. In the show, the mildly annoying Sam and teeth-grindingly annoying Cat run a babysitting service, with a couple other random characters who are very loosely involved with the main characters also appearing in every episode to help them with their shenanigans.
This show is terrible. Actually, let me rephrase that. It’s bad. I don’t want to say it’s terrible, because compared to almost every other kids show on the air right now, it’sArrested Development. But by itself, it’s bad. I actually watched the most recent episode, “#ToddlerClimbing,” (yes, all of the episode titles are hashtags. Toldja it was terrible) and kept track of every laugh track in the episode and everything that actually made me laugh even the teeniest bit on the inside. In the end, the laugh track was used 184 times and only 69 jokes were even the tiniest bit funny. That comes out to 115 unfunny jokes, or 62.5%.
But let’s look at everything that’s bad about it.
1. The hashtag thing
2. Use of memes in a desperate attempt to convince kids that the Nickelodeon execs are aware of them
3. Unfunny jokes
4. CONSTANT LAUGH TRACK EVERY SINGLE SECOND. That episode was 21 minutes long and had 184 laugh tracks, averaging one every 7 seconds. THAT’S INSANE. To put that into perspective, there was about one joke every 18 seconds inAirplane!, with 251 jokes in total.
5. Cat is the most annoying thing to ever exist in reality or fiction
6. Cat is far too stupid to exist
7. Constant references to their previous shows, negative 10% of which are funny or necessary
8. Taking all of the most tired cliches, all of the worst in-jokes and jokes in general, basically everything that was bad about iCarly and VicTORIous and making that a show
And THAT is why Sam and Cat is total bullshit. Incidentally, I had an idea for an episode of Sam and Cat, and an episode of the upcoming show Gibby, another iCarlyspinoff, that would lead in to an iCarly reunion special. The Gibby episode would involve Gibby preparing for the iCarly reunion. The Sam and Cat episode would be Sam going back to Seattle for the reunion, leaving Cat to babysit all by herself. These episodes would both come out towards the end of this year. When Sam tells Cat that she’s going to Seattle, Drake Bell is there for whatever reason. Maybe they’re at a food place and he works there, I dunno. Anyway, when she tells her, Drake says, “A reunion? The show ended like a year ago!” Priceless.
I will have a review or two out this week, followed by another review or two next week, and so on. I’ll think of other things to write about, too.
Story is end!

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